The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron, PhD.

[Muxel]

I was delightfully surprised when Laura came from the point of view of one who has had kids is because IMO that is the classic situation where the child's needs come before your own and the parent famously never gets any sleep or time off! And I don't know if it makes me selfish if I admit to having reservations about the idea of having children myself one day, partly because of that reason.

Also, good that the pitfalls of identification with HSP was addressed, interestingly close in time to when identification with an archetype was discussed on the Patrick Rodriguez - Spirit Release Therapist? thread (beginning around page 19). By the way, did you also know there was a book by a Susan Cain called Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking? I found her talk at TED quite empowering, too. Any one person can find a multitude of labels that seek to define him, it seems. I can be an introvert, a HSP, a "lefty", my horoscope, my sexuality-as-society-has-classified-it-for-me, my race... and so on. All those things are indeed me, indeed they constitute me, but I am not just the sum of my parts, surely? Yet I think that society has only given recognition and validation to a narrow band of human beings, and because of this the experiences, trials, and successes of many different yet equally deserving people have been waylaid. And so in that respect, books like Aron's have their message and purpose. IMO it is up to us, the reader, to take in these works without using them to prolong our victimhood but rather to raise our awareness. Perhaps it is the attendant community around such labels that draws us closer with the promise of shared experience, shared understanding, safety and comfort. Do we not as humans most want to be understood by another? There are communities and support groups that develop around all manner of things so tread wisely: lest you find yourself in, say, Sam Vaknin's narcissistic abuse survivor group.

One of my private fantasies has been to be able to retreat to some sort of abode, or room, high up in the noon sky where nobody and nothing could get at me. I have a bunch of fantasies that have to do with retreat and "getting away", and maybe Peter Levine might have something to say about that. :D I think we really must "get away" when need calls for it - when our physiology calls for it - and so one for whom a change in physical locator is out of the question has to get creative. So indeed I would expect things like meditation and mastery of our mind states to become very useful in such circumstances. And by finding calm in the midst of calamity, might the HSP be raising his/her baseline stimulation threshold? Or, widening his/her band of tolerance? (Sympathetic dominance isn't very desirable - I assume all people in California are pretty chill about tremors.) After all, we are not children anymore. Children get traumatized by things easily; adults should have grown some mettle.

But like David McRaney says, "Willpower is a finite resource." We should know our own limits. I am pretty good at not letting environmental activity bother me, and my headphones are a great ally, but when my parents are around I can't concentrate on anything else. It seems they are able to irritate me and push my buttons at every moment; they are unpredictable and demand my attention. It's made me snap more than once, even though I don't believe they ever had any malicious intent. (Just the nature of our relationship I guess - no boundaries...)

My childhood and teenage years could have been described as hell if you looked at it a certain way, but I accomplished many "feats" in those years, and at the end of the day I can say, thank you for it. However painful it was at some points, I am better for it. To try an analogy: when you've carried a hundred plates under duress, what is two plates to you after that? Perhaps the "battlefield" we'd survived in the past was the best place to sharpen our mind and hone our abilities. (Or maybe that's just the benefit of hindsight. But I can say that many times I have been thankful much later on for a situation, or petty tyrant, that I was forced by circumstance into experiencing - because I became all the better for it.) And isn't there the story of the shaman descending into hell and gaining some form of power before returning to his/her world?

But indeed, the long thinking process is well known to me. And sometimes, I deliberately turn my focus/attention elsewhere (which I have trained myself to be able to do) in order to allow the subconscious processing to take over and sort things out.

I'd love to bring such things into conscious control and be able to tinker with myself that way. (Alas, my "machine" did not come with a manual.) When I was waiting tables I had to talk to people all day whether I wanted to or not, and basically override my own inhibitions. Now that I've stopped waiting tables, I found I have occasionally lapsed back into being untalkative and shy, even around people with whom I have no reason at all to be untalkative and shy. Interesting how it - my machine - works. And I wish I knew exactly how it does!

 

[Mikey]

I'm going to comment on a few of the "10 Survival Tips for HSPs" quoted by Laura with matching "Aphorisms" from Gurdjieff (inscribed in a special script above the walls of the Study House at the Prieuré, quoted in brown color):

Knowing what I am has helped so much, especially when it comes to supporting myself through experiences that otherwise might overload my hypersensitive senses. Here, for you, are my top ten survival strategies: {It must be so nice to be able to baby oneself and to use being "highly sensitive" as the reason for self-indulgence...}

1) Get enough sleep

Lack of sleep (less than 7 hours, for most people) is well known to produce irritability, moodiness, and decreased concentration and productivity in the average person. Given our already ramped-up senses, I'm convinced that lack of sleep can make a highly sensitive life almost unbearable. Getting enough sleep soothes your senses and will help you cope with an already overwhelming world. {True enough. But there are lots of situations when you can NOT get good sleep or enough of it. If you don't have a strong enough psychological substratum to cope with such times, you - and maybe other people - are screwed. In particular, I think about the years of hard training I had to go through with five small children. I didn't get a decent night's sleep for over 13 years. When the baby(ies) is/are sick, your comfort is on the bottom of the priority list. In coming times, when the world gets a lot more chaotic - which is fairly certain - how are you going to baby yourself and get that good sleep?}

30. Rest comes not from the quantity but from the quality of sleep.

31. Sleep little without regret.

4) Plan in decompression time

HSPs don't do well with an overly packed schedule or too much time in noisy, crowded or high pressure environments. If you know you're going to spend a few hours in a challenging environment - such as a concert, a parade, or a crowded mall at Christmas time - know that you're likely to be frazzled after and will need to decompress somewhere quiet and relaxing, on your own if possible.

{Raising five kids meant that I really didn't have "decompression" time. And I was always under pressure and in a volatile environment. But, see item 3: if you will to do it, you can shut out the world and concentrate and in that way, you can "decompress" no matter what the circumstances and get "power rest" in a short time. Might come in handy in a chaotic world where we have almost no control over our environment.}

13. Only help him who is not an idler.

15. I love him who loves work.

And this brings it back home:

1) psychological tension, anxiety, and depression are necessary for growth

1. Like what "it" does not like.

3. The worse the conditions of life the more productive the work, always provided you remember the work.

4) obviously, once they have grown, they will no longer exhibit OUTWARDLY any of those signs and symptoms of the HSP in any way that cripples their lives or interactions with others.

5. Remember you come here having already understood the necessity of struggling with yourself—only with yourself. Therefore thank everyone who gives you the opportunity.

9. The chief means of happiness in this life is the ability to consider externally always, internally never.

 

[Scottie]

5. Remember you come here having already understood the necessity of struggling with yourself—only with yourself. Therefore thank everyone who gives you the opportunity.

9. The chief means of happiness in this life is the ability to consider externally always, internally never.

That about sums it up, IMO. Especially #9.

Not only is insulating oneself from the world counterproductive in terms of establishing real Being, but who am I serving if I have to hide in a dark closet with noise-canceling headphones in order to shut out the world?

Well, okay, not many people actually do that, but it is also symbolic for what most people do: they shut out the world intellectually and emotionally.

It's not enough to say, "Oh, well, I'm an HSP, but I don't need noise-canceling headphones, so I'm okay!"

Wrong!

I think some people are misinterpreting what is being said. It's not that being sensitive is itself a problem. It's not. It's the lies to the self about being sensitive.

A quick example:

Glenda tells a harrowing story. Being a sensitive person, I offer words of comfort and understanding with great emotion.

Okay, what just happened? Did what I expressed actually have anything to do with Glenda and her ordeal, or was it all about me and my need to "be sensitive" and say the right things? In short, did I consider Glenda at all - did I actually HELP HER by really listening - or was it all about me?

That's not an easy question to answer, and that's kind of the point: it needs to become a question that is easy to answer.

The above example is a very basic one. Now imagine more complex scenarios.

 

[trendsetter37]

Hmm so the HSP prognosis seems to be quite complex, but also an opportunity for greater learning if one doesn’t succumb to self indulgence. Which makes sense and could be useful if taken in the context of the work and especially being externally considerate. I.e. not being uncomfortably quiet in a group situation.

This made me think, and this could be a trivial example, that when one says oh i’m just hsp so I’m not going to say much; that notion in and of itself could be considered internally considerate. One would have to contemplate how the other people in their environment would take that type of behaviour from their perspective. Very simply it may be easy for you to exude an attitude of “you're not worth me opening my mouth and therefore I will not make the effort” which is, in hindsight, very internally considerate.

I think I may have fallen into that particular trap before with people in the past. However, I would like to think that I am making improvements with those issues or at the very least becoming more conscious of it from the outset.

In contrast, a lot of the experiences I have noticed and that came to mind while reviewing the literature on HSP doesn’t always fit into how they describe it. Which could be evidence of vast variations that truth seeker pointed out.

I did score high on the test but a lot of it I thought was pretty par for the course with anyone. Therefore they seemed to be things that could be worked with in relation to the work as opposed to some condition. Which it is probably a good thing that I came across the hsp material after reading some of the books suggested here.

Some of the questions on their assessment that I knew (osit) didn’t apply to me whatsoever or maybe that I have adapted to using some coping mechanism that I should observe closely. One example would be the aversion to violent movies or shows. These do not make me cringe but that may be evidence of some of the things we were forced to watch during my short stint in the military. There were pictures of gruesomely mangled people, graphic, and real situations. All staged as “training” us to keep our cool if we were to come across a similar situation in the field. Ponerization? This may have desensitized me in a way to make what is portrayed in violent movies less serious. However, I don’t prefer to watch them and I do not like senseless violence it just seems pointless. Sometimes I just feel a bit broken when I don’t have the violent cringeful aversion to “shoot em up” scenes.

This is in contrast with how I was in middle and high school growing up and getting into a fight or confrontation. Even times when I was perceived by others watching to have "won" the fight, I would still become teary eyed just because I fought (which happened very rarely). Which usually confused the onlookers immensely. I have never been able to explain that besides the fact that maybe I did not want to settle a dispute or defend myself physically with violence.

Now on the other hand I am incredibly uncomfortable with movies that deal with taking advantage of people in a sexual manner whether it’s dealing with rape or kids. I will turn it off and feel like the movie is not worth continuing even if it is “just one scene”.

Further, when the over stimulating symptoms are described within the context of debilitation I was bit confused because I haven’t necessarily experienced them in that manner. If I am remembering these experiences for what they were objectively and not some sort of delusion feeding my “i’m special” thought loop then a lot of the sensitivities actually produce awkward situations. Not uncomfortable but awkward. For example.

Sometimes a visual picture or an intricate pattern with recurring details will either give me chills or make my skin crawl. Sometimes to the point where I will see it once notice the (in my opinion) strange reaction and think about what I saw later. Then again just thinking about the visual, sometimes days later, will produce the same effects. I’ve had at least one friend I was able to show him my arms becoming prickly literally thinking about a song or piece of music that has the same effect. This doesn’t last indefinitely and fades as time progresses past that particular stimuli.

I guess it should be noted that more of these situations started happening more frequently after I came across the cass forum and began reading the associated literature a couple of years ago.

This is strange because I have not always been this way growing up but i am also not certain that I paid attention to myself in the same manner either.

Another peculiarity are other people's emotionally charged conversations or arguments. Especially where anger is involved. I could have nothing to do with their argument but will feel tightness in my chest and or tingling in my arms, sometimes accompanied by an adrenalin rush that can also be felt in my tongue ( weird?). The latter also happens if someone or a pet close to me has a dangerous close call or altercation (in a dog park etc). After discovering EE I can alleviate some of the shock (again not debilitating I can still hold conversations with others, the experience is just apparent) with deep belly breaths. And to some extent it is very calming being able to observe the sensations despite the fact that they are still present.

Those have been the most recurring. And i’m not sure if that makes me “sensitive” to the situation, I’m not in control of myself, or that these occurrences are something completely normal that many people don’t mention because it is so “common” or trivial.

Since these “experiences” weren’t always there or noticed I am prompted to write it off as maybe some sort delusional aspect and wanting some kind of psychic ability. However at the same time I also didn’t have significant reactions to food or caffeine(chocolate/ coffee etc) until after I went towards a keto diet. Growing up I could eat anything now one serving of something out of line with throw me off. Chocolate will give me a hangover which i attribute to the sugar.

The food aspect makes it difficult to separate actual causal changes in myself from anomalous occurrences. And for all I know eating cleaner may make one more sensitive to their surroundings. Especially if you think of it as an evolutionary advantage to have greater situational awareness in general.

My next point deals with dreams, imagination and saving people with some type of supernatural ability in said dreams (the hero complex?). Some of these dreams involve the forum in general others have Laura teaching classes and for me it’s always in some high school class room where Laura is at the chalkboard. These I tend not to share though as it seems that they arise from me simply reading a similar account in the dreams thread and then subconsciously I dream it myself. Others are filled with teleportation and sometimes the building of spaceships. Again nothing useful per se….but it’s there. Funny to think about i guess.

They are almost nightly, vivid, and filled with “cheap entertainment’’ as the C’s described. :) But again as said above this could be nothing more that delusion and some narcissism. So suffice it to say I still have a ways to go before I get to some kind of control in regards to my own experiences and especially imaginative thoughts.

I honestly don’t know and am aware that it could just be a distraction entirely which on the bright side makes for more opportunities to practice will power.

What do you guys make of all that? I understand it might be a bit wide of the mark in reference to the original topic so if it is out of the scope of this thread let me know and feel free to move it to a more appropriate thread.

 

[lilies]

I rather lean toward a HSP being a narcissist, weak, filled with vanity.

I think that's making quite an assumption. I think it's true that there may be additional challenges which need to be faced, as discussed above, and that a person's attitude toward these can go in either a positive or negative direction based on their choices -- I don't think there's good reason to assume a one-to-one correlation with narcissism.

I think what lilies has noticed is exactly what I pointed out: it's hard to tell whether a person is just prickly/narcissistic and using the HSP excuse, or whether they are HSP with childhood damage. Because it seems that an HSP who has a decent childhood experience would - by virtue of their superior analytical abilities - be already sorting out their issues - if any remain.

Yes, I meant that. A HSP who has a decent childhood is probably lucky in regard of talents. No serious abuse issues means the brain is wired relatively correctly, facilitating a strong obyvatel basis.

Superior senses could mean valuable advantages in a profession: doctor/therapist [increased empathy], audio engineer [enhanced hearing], pilot [acute vision], reiki master [sense bio-energy].

 

[Psalehesost]

I think the main issue, or trap, being discussed regarding HSP can be summed up as one of identity. It is fine to read about HSP traits and see how they can be expressed, positive and negative aspects, and so on - and seeing how this can relate to one's own past and present. In considering other information along with it, it can also give a clearer view of some other issues - such as the sensitivity that can lead to early negative imprinting, make a person more prone to splitting, as well as to all manner of psychological issues.

The problem comes when someone adopts HSP as an identity. Or, for that manner, when a person adopts any psychological category as an identity. To do so is to also become attached to the problems that are lumped into that category - making it hard to give them up. (As Gurdjieff notes, people tend to be the least willing to give up their own suffering. Even if there is a way to move beyond those issues that cause the worst problems in one's life, most people prefer to shy away from these, focusing only on things that do not matter nearly as much.)

Understanding the cause of issues can be helpful - so long as the focus remains on dealing with the issues. Aron states that most psychotherapy clients are HSPs - and given the general HSP traits described, I think issues such as developing a PCS personality may be likely among HSPs. (Though not universal - most PCS HSPs probably would not fall into a pattern of babying the self, but would remain highly self-critical and demand perfection from the self, as PCS people tend to do.)


In relation to myself, I think HSP traits as described are part of the picture - but does not describe it perfectly. From what I presently know of my infancy, I may be one of those people who were not born highly sensitive, but became so later - the nervous system being sensitized. Another issue also ties into this for me. Megan made a post about the 'Intense World Theory' of autism spectrum conditions. It makes sense and, to me, describes how people on this spectrum (which includes me) may be highly sensitive in a particular way.

I think there may be a number of variations that lead to some form of being a "HSP" - more than those addressed by Aron. And, of course, such variations could occur not only in different intensities, but also in all manner of combinations. So ultimately, the entire idea of "the highly sensitive person" may very much be an oversimplification.


Regarding the trap connected to the HSP label, I think there may be a desire in many to become more accepting of the self, or to reduce stress or tension, or otherwise make things easier for oneself - which is fine in itself, but can lead into dead ends. Babying the self obviously is such a dead end.

A better approach is self-compassion (the link is to a thread about a good book on this). Self-compassion is a way of relating to oneself that does not hinder efforts - it is not about hiding from the world, but rather about becoming more resilient. It allows one to better endure whatever comes and to make it through inner and outer upheaval. It is also generally a way to become less caught up in identifying with one's emotions - to get a clearer view. Basically, a very good trait for HSPs to build, I think - something that may actually help giving up any counterproductive ways of coping and moving forwards.

 

[obyvatel]

I do not share the view that mixing the categories of HSP and PCS is useful. I think they are quite different. The PCS constellation is defined better; the HSP constellation is not. If the boundaries defining a label or category in psychology is too loose then it leads to confusion and ceases to have practical analytical value. Human beings in general are complex and share traits across different categories. That does not imply the categories need to be conflated or even indirectly related unless there are significant commonalities.

The HSP label is used too loosely IMO based on Aron's self test. A majority of questions in that test refer to being overwhelmed. Sufferers from PTSD in its various forms would very likely fall in the HSP category based on that self- test. Schizotypes would belong too. So would others who are sensitive in the way of being able to pick up on subtleties AND not learned how to deal with it yet. Those who have learned to deal with their "sensitivity" would not qualify for a HSP any more. Aron has conflated being overwhelmed with being sensitive from the indications of the test - and that IMO does a disservice in terms of better understanding of the issues involved.

 

[Laura]

The HSP label is used too loosely IMO based on Aron's self test. A majority of questions in that test refer to being overwhelmed. Sufferers from PTSD in its various forms would very likely fall in the HSP category based on that self- test. Schizotypes would belong too. So would others who are sensitive in the way of being able to pick up on subtleties AND not learned how to deal with it yet. Those who have learned to deal with their "sensitivity" would not qualify for a HSP any more. Aron has conflated being overwhelmed with being sensitive from the indications of the test - and that IMO does a disservice in terms of better understanding of the issues involved.

Exactly. Thanks for stating it so clearly.

 

[shijing]

The problem comes when someone adopts HSP as an identity. Or, for that manner, when a person adopts any psychological category as an identity. To do so is to also become attached to the problems that are lumped into that category - making it hard to give them up. (As Gurdjieff notes, people tend to be the least willing to give up their own suffering. Even if there is a way to move beyond those issues that cause the worst problems in one's life, most people prefer to shy away from these, focusing only on things that do not matter nearly as much.)

[...]

A better approach is self-compassion (the link is to a thread about a good book on this). Self-compassion is a way of relating to oneself that does not hinder efforts - it is not about hiding from the world, but rather about becoming more resilient. It allows one to better endure whatever comes and to make it through inner and outer upheaval. It is also generally a way to become less caught up in identifying with one's emotions - to get a clearer view. Basically, a very good trait for HSPs to build, I think - something that may actually help giving up any counterproductive ways of coping and moving forwards.

I think the above paragraphs are a good summary and approach to the issue we're discussing, and I also agree with this:

I think some people are misinterpreting what is being said. It's not that being sensitive is itself a problem. It's not. It's the lies to the self about being sensitive.

A quick example:

Glenda tells a harrowing story. Being a sensitive person, I offer words of comfort and understanding with great emotion.

Okay, what just happened? Did what I expressed actually have anything to do with Glenda and her ordeal, or was it all about me and my need to "be sensitive" and say the right things? In short, did I consider Glenda at all - did I actually HELP HER by really listening - or was it all about me?

That's not an easy question to answer, and that's kind of the point: it needs to become a question that is easy to answer.

The above example is a very basic one. Now imagine more complex scenarios.

I had lent out my copy of Aron's book before I had a chance to get very far in it; I got it back Wednesday and had a chance to start re-reading it last night. I started again from the beginning and I'm close to halfway through it now (and intend to finish it soon), but here's how I feel about it at this point:

Aron says at one point in chapter 1 (p. 13) that:

I know someone is going to say I am trying to make an elite out of us. But that would last about five minutes with most HSPs, who would soon feel guilty for feeling superior. I'm just out to encourage us enough to make us feel more like equals.

This represents most of what bothers me about the book so far. In fact, I do get the feeling that she's trying to make an elite out of HSPs in some way, she's just trying to get around that fact by saying she's not. Her tone is not objective, which comes across most strongly by her consistent use of "us versus them" phrasing -- as I was reading, I kept finding myself thinking "Yes, I score high on your test, but stop speaking for me!" To me this suggests strong over-identification on her part with the HSP identity, and underlies a personal agenda where she feels wronged by the world and how it's treated her.

I do feel that there's valid data in the book which could be explored constructively, but it needs to be redone in a way that's much more objective than what Aron has written. I'm also still interested in the overlap between the HSP traits and the ones associated with the genetic conditions I've been learning about recently, particularly pyroluria. I suspect that an HSP temperament may, in at least some cases, ultimately be biochemically driven -- the fact that both are heritable and present in approximately the same percentage of the population might support that, but it would require more research to verify. This may be in line with what obyvatel has suggested above about multiple causes converging into a similar profile. Dietrich Klinghardt discusses something along the same lines in his talk, when he refers to parents who consider their kids to be 'Indigo children' when in fact they have serious medical issues that need to be addressed.

Yes, I meant that. A HSP who has a decent childhood is probably lucky in regard of talents. No serious abuse issues means the brain is wired relatively correctly, facilitating a strong obyvatel basis.

Superior senses could mean valuable advantages in a profession: doctor/therapist [increased empathy], audio engineer [enhanced hearing], pilot [acute vision], reiki master [sense bio-energy].

OK -- I felt that you might have been overgeneralizing yesterday, so thanks for clarifying, lilies. The possibility that some narcissists would hide behind the HSP label is a real concern which we need to be careful about.

 

[Laura]

The possibility that some narcissists would hide behind the HSP label is a real concern which we need to be careful about.

It's not just narcissists that would hide behind the HSP label - it could be used to "dress up" a whole lot of pathology both treatable and not treatable.

And while I'm on a roll here, I'm rather irritated by the "self-compassion" thing, too. Yeah, we need to understand and forgive ourselves, and stand up for ourselves (see Gabor Mate on "When the Body Says No"), but "self-compassion" can be another "narrative" to hide behind. What I notice is that many of these sorts of things get latched onto by people who want an EXCUSE for the behavior pointed out to them in feedback by others or to use it as a barrier against feedback.

 

[truth seeker]

The HSP label is used too loosely IMO based on Aron's self test. A majority of questions in that test refer to being overwhelmed. Sufferers from PTSD in its various forms would very likely fall in the HSP category based on that self- test. Schizotypes would belong too. So would others who are sensitive in the way of being able to pick up on subtleties AND not learned how to deal with it yet. Those who have learned to deal with their "sensitivity" would not qualify for a HSP any more. Aron has conflated being overwhelmed with being sensitive from the indications of the test - and that IMO does a disservice in terms of better understanding of the issues involved.

This is a really good point, thanks.

I suppose then that the issue I have is purely inner considering. This can be very problematic in terms of social relationships. The way this manifests is that I can be very quiet around others which I'm sure can make them feel as if I'm uninterested in what they have to say and uninterested in speaking with them. In short, I need to stop doing this because it's hurtful to others and myself.

 

[Oxajil]

And while I'm on a roll here, I'm rather irritated by the "self-compassion" thing, too. Yeah, we need to understand and forgive ourselves, and stand up for ourselves (see Gabor Mate on "When the Body Says No"), but "self-compassion" can be another "narrative" to hide behind. What I notice is that many of these sorts of things get latched onto by people who want an EXCUSE for the behavior pointed out to them in feedback by others or to use it as a barrier against feedback.

Yea the self-compassion thing never really worked on me. I think when I kind of find some understanding and forgiveness when it comes to mistakes that I made, is when I actively work towards not making the same mistakes anymore, and only after results that I've booked and certain feedback that I get, can I say that I forgive myself to a certain extent. In a way I think, the pain someone goes through and the hurt caused by making certain mistakes, can act as a fire/drive to continue to work on oneself and be on the outlook.

I find the HSP discussion so far very interesting and has cleared up a lot of things for me. I think the main thing with me is that I can become overwhelmed by having to do a lot of things, I'd get tired etc. Some days, though not many, I remember myself crying a bit after I got home from work. It wasn't because I was in self-pity mode thinking why I'd have to work, but it was more of a release of stress, just letting it out. I can be sensitive that way I guess (and would need to work on that). But nonetheless, what I've learned through my experiences with work and school, is that you can't expect to live in a world that operates on your terms. You can't say in a job interview ''I'm an HSP, so I'd like to work these many hours, and specifically at these times of the day'', or you can't tell the teacher ''I'm an HSP, so I'd like to have less homework, and more time to learn for my exams'', yea, not gonna work.

In the past I used to call in sick at my job when I couldn't take it, and just needed rest on that day. It took me some time to realize just how wrong this was from me, because basically my colleagues had to work harder that day, just because I needed some extra rest. So yea, I had then made a commitment to myself that I will work even if I might be a tad tired, and only to call in sick if I'm really ill, and even then I'd try to find a replacement. It's the same with working in groups on a school project, you can't just take the small tasks because they're easy and less mentally challenging/tiring, even if it's a big task you'd have to do, you kinda have to do it, because it's the right thing to do. So I think for me, if I look at it, what kind of helps me push and do/finish what is front of me, is by thinking it as taking responsibility.

Also wanted to add, that I think self-compassion can be practised in the way of doing the diet, and EE, which enables someone to be more fit to not only continue to work on oneself, and help others, but also to get around in this world as best as possible. Fwiw.

 

[Laura]

I find the HSP discussion so far very interesting and has cleared up a lot of things for me. I think the main thing with me is that I can become overwhelmed by having to do a lot of things, I'd get tired etc. Some days, though not many, I remember myself crying a bit after I got home from work. It wasn't because I was in self-pity mode thinking why I'd have to work, but it was more of a release of stress, just letting it out. I can be sensitive that way I guess (and would need to work on that). But nonetheless, what I've learned through my experiences with work and school, is that you can't expect to live in a world that operates on your terms. You can't say in a job interview ''I'm an HSP, so I'd like to work these many hours, and specifically at these times of the day'', or you can't tell the teacher ''I'm an HSP, so I'd like to have less homework, and more time to learn for my exams'', yea, not gonna work.

In the past I used to call in sick at my job when I couldn't take it, and just needed rest on that day. It took me some time to realize just how wrong this was from me, because basically my colleagues had to work harder that day, just because I needed some extra rest. So yea, I had then made a commitment to myself that I will work even if I might be a tad tired, and only to call in sick if I'm really ill, and even then I'd try to find a replacement. It's the same with working in groups on a school project, you can't just take the small tasks because they're easy and less mentally challenging/tiring, even if it's a big task you'd have to do, you kinda have to do it, because it's the right thing to do. So I think for me, if I look at it, what kind of helps me push and do/finish what is front of me, is by thinking it as taking responsibility.

I think the issues can be better solved with KNOWLEDGE/AWARENESS and a support system.

This is what Gabor Mate talks about in "When the Body says No".

...the effects of stress on health, particularly the hidden stresses we all generate from our early programming, a pattern so deep and so subtle that it feels like a part of our real selves.

...Our immune system does not exist in isolation from daily experience. For example, the immune defences that normally function in healthy young people have been shown to be suppressed in medical students under the pressure of final examinations. Of even greater implication for their future health and well-being, the loneliest students suffered the greatest negative impact on their immune systems. Loneliness has been similarly associated with diminished immune activity... The pressure of examinations is obvious and short term but many people unwittingly spend their entire lives as if under the gaze of a powerful and judgmental examiner whom they must please at all costs. Many of us live, if not alone, then in emotionally inadequate relationships that do not recognize or honour our deepest needs. Isolation and stress affect many who may believe their lives are quite satisfactory.

Thus, it seems to me that the solution is NETWORKING, being UNDERSTOOD, sharing your trials and burdens verbally and achieving connection with those who have similar experiences and metabolizing that sort of thing by this connecting/discussing/examining process.

While all of us dread being blamed, we all would wish to be more responsible - that is, to have the ability to respond with awareness to the circumstances of our lives rather than just reacting. We want to be the authoritative person in our own lives: in charge, able to make the authentic decisions that affect us. There is no true responsibility without awareness. ...The more we can learn about ourselves, the less prone we are to become passive victims... "Trying to identify and to answer the question of stress... is more likely to lead to health than ignoring the question." In healing, every bit of information, every piece of the truth, may be crucial.

Okay, so it is very useful data to know that people are born with different temperaments. See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_temperaments

And certainly, your innate temperament combined with your upbringing/early experiences, can have a heavy influence on the hidden stresses you deal with as you grow up/older. So it is VERY important to
NOT live our lives "under the gaze of a powerful and judgmental examiner" whom we must please at all costs, especially if those costs include giving up our right to express our authentic feelings and to assert our anger when our physical or emotional boundaries are invaded or violated.

Thus, it seems to me that a lot of the HSP profile has more to do with PTSD of a sort than anything else. And let's face it, this world is freaking traumatizing! And it doesn't help that we have to live through it without having experienced the total support that a child is entitled to during the formative years, that we are programmed by narcissists or narcissistic families, those "powerful and judgmental examiners" that live inside our heads.

This is why I've written about the healthy expression of anger. No, we should not dump on others, nor should we get angry at those close to us because of past events, or events that don't really relate to them. But of all the things that harass us, the invasion of our physical and emotional boundaries - those things that trigger fight or flight responses - are the most damaging if we repress them.

It seems to me that the HSP formula is designed to do exactly that: an aid to repression.

 

[luke wilson]

According to that test, I am not a HSP nor am I able to entirely relate to the experiences described by those HSP-identified from reading what they've written. Reading through the criticism of how the whole phenomena is framed, I get a sense that a lot is now asked of those HSP-identified. I haven't read the book but from what has been said, I suppose the main thrust is a sort of self-acceptance aligned with getting the world to bend to their particular peculiarities or rather developing a sort of quiet resentment to the world whilst finding a way to shield themselves from it.

Now what is being asked of them is to evolve. The question of evolution for someone truly in that sort of psychological make-up, who happens to be in an environment that is brutal is surely a tough one. As Laura says, all their guns will be getting fired up at the same time and it'll take a lot of internal fortitude to move forward in a progressive way and adapt into the world in such a way that they become of-it rather than apart-from-it.

Either way, every now and again I experience these guns being fired at the same time and from my personal experience, considering that for an HSP it would even be a greater magnitude of feeling, the whole thing can be rather debilitating. To have your whole internal systems on fire, to not be able to even control your thoughts, to be at the mercy of the super charged stuff going on inside you, the only option I find in those situations is to take things easy, to retreat. In one situation in my life, I have found those feelings, everything come together and somehow, don't know how, form an intense sense of clarity where everything in your Being was pushed to accomplish one goal, to thrust yourself towards a goal as if powered by a jet pack. I've only ever experienced this 'jet pack' once and it came from all guns being fired at once, but not only that, their was something else that brought everything together, where the experience did not become debilitating but rather a source of energy and inspiration.

So I'd imagine that for a HSP things can get rather intense if somehow they feel to a greater magnitude than the rest of (I suppose this is debatable?) but as Laura and others have mentioned, there is no being special and evolution will weed you out if you don't make the necessary adjustments.

 

[aragorn]

This whole discussion reminds me of those "bigger-than-life" artists I've stumbled upon. For instance, I know opera singers who are so "sensitive" and "speshul" that they can't be bothered with anything "mundane". And for some, the "bohemian" life style gives them the excuse not to behave decently.

The best and most professional singers I know are completely normal and humble people. Usually those "sensitive" and "speshul" ones aren't that good (but they believe they are!)