Bad Boys

[jacygirl]

Aww, it would suck to call you Chuck. Two Buck Chuck. It would be an honor to get flicked in the forehead by you. Although a psychic flick might knock me on my rear end from afar. Yeah that is stuff that guys will never comprehend, even if they can channel their past lives as femmes carrying and birthing. Why did you assume you had a twin and run with that?

Yep, far too many words rhyme with Chuck.
Trust me, I had a son first. No woman can comprehend a multiple birth either, not even from having a singleton.

I didn't assume that I had a twin, lol. I ran with it because it amused me. I can literally write a story about anything. My sleep is awful, so when I go to bed at night, to stop my multiple thoughts, I think of something and mentally write a story about it. A couple of times I've laughed so hard that I've had to get up, go out and have a smoke. I literally wake myself up, instead of telling myself a bedtime story. Hey, I'm all alone. You do what you do sometimes.

You know, this thread has around 60 comments in it, but it's been viewed over 800 times. So somebody is checking it out. They could be staying, reading and laughing. They could be running out and slamming the door behind them. I'm ok with either/both. But I think we are having some good (and funny) conversations about our lives, life in general, what we've learned, what we're still learning. So I don't think it's a waste of time at all. Unless you do. It's not like we can have these conversations with people in 3D/Matrix world.

I've tried, gently, not too weird but hey have you ever thought about this? Or why that? I get the same reaction.
*blink...blink...blink*. It reminds me of an old TV that sometimes loses the signal so you had to give it a whack. Yeah...I feel like they need a whack to get the program back. But it's too late. They're on their phones on Facebook.
*le sigh, French for more dramatic effect*

 

[Alejo]

Are we still on topic? If I may, this seems less of a public discussion and more a tete-a-tete between the two of you. Not calling it "evil", but as you guys are aware, it's not the purpose of the forum in general, but there's also a reason we discourage private conversations between members, publicly held or otherwise.

Having said that, and perhaps interestingly relevant:

I have noticed a pattern in my own life of being attracted to 'bad boys'. I was never surprised to find out that each one had suffered an abusive or neglectful childhood, sometimes very extreme. Perhaps because of this I cut them some slack. I also loved them 'as is' and showed them unconditional love. You can't love everyone better, but I sure tried. Did it bite me in the ass eventually? Yes. Yes it did. Do I now regret these relationships? No. I learned a lot about myself and besides, every relationship led me to who I am today. No Regrets.

Well, two things on this, maybe three.. I read through The Polyvagal Theory, amazing read. But one of the things that he was explaining was how similar to the ANS, the paralyzing terror is to the submission that women place themselves in during intercourse, this is one of the reasons why bad boys are attractive, the two states of deep trust and deep fear are closely similar. There's the nurturing instinct of "fixing" a bad guy that is kind of cliche these days, has a basis in biology and psychology.

But two, reading through the criminal mind material, nurture does not always create a "bad boy" some boys are simply born bad, some boys with amazing and unbroken childhoods still grow up to be bad, the environment doesn't always, and perhaps not in most cases, explain bad behavior or socially maladjusted individuals. In most cases, a bad environment is used as an excuse for antisocial behavior. I am not saying that the environment or a difficult or awful childhood have no influence on an individual, but it's not the whole banana.

And perhaps most importantly, I know you mentioned not feeling any regret over your old relationships, which I believe is the right approach, specially if there were lessons to be learned about the world in general, but what did you discover about yourself? and how you make the choices about who you find more than interesting?

In my experience, that is the other half of going through certain mistaken choices in relationships, not just how the world works out there, but how it works within, and how the two interact with one another.

 

[BHelmet]

(Alejo you beat me to the punch. I had this draft ready to send but got busy:)

I am going to get semi-serious for a moment. (before you fire off another salvo for me to bounce off of.) The topic is Gurdjieff's idea of external consideration. I am going to assume you know what that is, although maybe not. I can certainly see and feel how us going back and forth could be quite annoying to some others. It could be interpreted as just so much noise although I do agree there is much to be learned from it, or I wouldn't be engaging in it so whole-heartedly. It is all educational.

That said, I feel comfortable confining it to this thread. Could it stand a rename given what it has become? Loose Cannon Alley? Conversations with Jacygirl and BHelmet? Beautiful Noise - a John Cage Rebuttal? The Watering Hole? Maybe you have some good ones. It is technically your thread.

So it seems we have this burgeoning repartee that has been invoked. I have some hesitancy to carry on everywhere else in a like manner unless it seems warranted. I don't think I can totally reply in a straight manner in other threads to what you might say given the relationship that is evolving. I do want to respect the sincerity and seriousness of other posters. (even if it is an act...couldn't resist) Talking with you is very freeing and I love it but I don't want to create an "OH, GOD there THEY go again! Ugh!" thing. Your thoughts and feelings?

 

[Denis]

You know, this thread has around 60 comments in it, but it's been viewed over 800 times. So somebody is checking it out. They could be staying, reading and laughing. They could be running out and slamming the door behind them. I'm ok with either/both. But I think we are having some good (and funny) conversations about our lives, life in general, what we've learned, what we're still learning. So I don't think it's a waste of time at all. Unless you do. It's not like we can have these conversations with people in 3D/Matrix world.

Hello jacygirl,

I am one of those "lurkers"/guests (the latter when i don't feel like logging on the forum, which is quite often lately, to be frank) you've been mentioning in your posts.
I don't see it as something bad or negative, or as a sign of inappropriate behavior, i simply decide not to engage if i feel that i do not have much to contribute to the forum/network at large.

My knowledge base is poor and limited when compared to the (vast) repository of the C's network, so for the most part i am silent here. And please don't think that i expect everyone else to act the same as me- i am simply describing myself here, every person is a different story and the world of their own.
Since it is obvious that this is a *public* forum, and it is bound to attract all sorts of audience (including yours truly! ), why did you decide to mention it here?
Does it bother you in some way that others are watching/reading without really engaging (as for myself, i decided to "chime in" after reading this comment of yours, you could say i've been "triggered" if you like that term ), and giving their own thoughts on the subject?
Or you're just being playful, and decided to throw it out there, so as to emphasize your goofy nature(I tend to lean towards the latter, based on the input i've seen from you so far )?

That being said, i think you and @BHelmet are having a *great* vibe here.
I believe we are witnessing a birth of a wonderful relationship between the two of you, whether it's friendship or something else, that's not up to me to decide.
I will only say that this thread was very educational for me (i hope that it will proceed in that spirit! ), although it's not the only one i've been reading until now.

Wishing you a wonderful day on your end!

 

[A Jay]

So it seems we have this burgeoning repartee that has been invoked. I have some hesitancy to carry on everywhere else in a like manner unless it seems warranted. I don't think I can totally reply in a straight manner in other threads to what you might say given the relationship that is evolving.

The two of you are feeding off each other in ways that are wholly inappropriate.

This is not a dating site and such flirtatiousness doesn't belong.

Please keep your posts restricted to the topics at hand and try to comport yourselves like adults.

 

[Nienna]

@BHelmet and @jacygirl what you two are doing in this thread, and even other threads, is creating noise. We try to keep the noise down to as low as possible. If you two want to continue your "cutesy thing" please find a social media venue that you can do it on.

 

[Carl]

The two of you are feeding off each other in ways that are wholly inappropriate.

This is not a dating site and such flirtatiousness doesn't belong.

Please keep your posts restricted to the topics at hand and try to comport yourselves like adults.

Agreed, please be appreciative of those of us who have limited time to catch up with the forum, and want to make that time worthwhile. Scrolling through pages and pages of low quality posts is just annoying.

 

[Beau]

That being said, i think you and @BHelmet are having a *great* vibe here.
I believe we are witnessing a birth of a wonderful relationship between the two of you, whether it's friendship or something else, that's not up to me to decide.

BHelmet is a married man. It's not appropriate behavior, public or private.

 

[Denis]

BHelmet is a married man. It's not appropriate behavior, public or private.

True, you are absolutely right there, Beau.
I know i've read it somewhere among all those posts, but it must have slipped my mind somehow.
I stand corrected then, now it reads like a married man flirting with a single woman, and on a *public* forum, of all places!
Totally not appropriate!

Disclaimer: I don't want to come off as a judgmental asshole, i just see it differently now, in the light of new information that was brought to my attention after reading Beau's post.

I apologize if i made a noise with my post!

 

[jacygirl]

I have spent almost 4 hours thinking about the recent comments and taking my time to find the right words to respond. I actually appreciate the concerns because it allows me to see how I am being perceived. I could write pages of explanations and try to do 'damage control', but I don't believe that is the correct approach to take. I may make a few posts to explain myself, but I will attempt to keep it short. I'd like to begin with my opening post in this thread.

I am very interested in the labels that are assigned to individuals, or groups of individuals. I personally do not like labels because I believe that every person is unique, has had their own experiences, and are the way they are for reasons that a label does not do justice to. So I tackled the 'bad boy' label to begin with. I retold a personal experience I had with a group of 5 young boys who had already been assigned that particular label. My conversations with them allowed me to understand that they were all dealing with a chaotic/traumatic home life and they were acting out at school. I wanted to understand them, not judge them. Throughout my life that thought process has been a theme. I always want to be able to understand why a person is the way they are instead of automatically judging them.

I had no idea whether this topic would be of interest to anyone else. I enjoy hearing different perspectives and was curious to see if anyone else had thought about these 'labels' and if they had any personal experiences of their own regarding this subject. Responses were minimal, but a lot of 'likes' and 'loves'. Lovely to be acknowledged but I was hoping for a conversation.

My next post is to address the responses I received, in particular from BHelmet (and the ensuing conversation that did take place).

 

[jacygirl]

I believe it is my responsibility to address the concerns because I am the one who started this thread.
I will attempt to explain my perspective on how we got from 'then' to 'now', regarding the comments between Helmet and myself.

He began initially by making serious comments regarding the topic and also using humor. He was the first person to reply so I answered him. We didn't always see eye-to-eye on certain things which was good. But in a short time it became clear that we both used personal experiences and a lot of humor to explain ourselves, and the conversation continued.

Can men and women be friends? I say "yes" because I've had many male friends, both online and in real life, that included a love/respect/appreciation of each other without either of us ever having romantic thoughts or motivations. So when Helmet and I started talking, not only we did seem to 'click' but we also had a lot in common. Both only children with our own unique perspectives/questions regarding the opposite gender...because we had not grown up with siblings to learn from. Helmet was curious as to why 'good girls' are attracted to 'bad boys', and had his own opinions. I had different opinions based on my own life's experiences. It was an interesting conversation.

As we confided personal thoughts/feelings/life events, we began to develop a friendship of sorts. These are not conversations that are readily available in real life. As we both relaxed a bit and let our guards down, the friendly teasing/bantering began to become a part of these conversations. Like kids we tried to 'one up' each other, almost like a humor battle of wits.

When Helmet mentioned his wife (of many years), I wanted to clarify for his sake, that I was not flirting, not hitting on him, no hidden motive other than good conversation and a few laughs. I needed him to know that I respected his relationship, just in case he was wondering if I had romantic intentions. You just never know how someone else is perceiving you. Do I like him? Yes. Do I think he is intelligent? Yes. Do I love his sense of humor? Yes. Do I want anything more than that from him? Absolutely not.

I actually considered making a comment to him regarding this. I was going to ask him if he thought we could be friends in real life and have these conversations and banter, without other people automatically assuming that we are flirting and and likely having an affair and how awful are we? I think perhaps we both felt safe having these conversations here because we both knew our own motivations, and neither were looking for anything more. I am absolutely not ever expecting to have another romantic relationship again and I am fine with that. But I've lost a lot of people I love recently, so I am always open to find a new friend.

 

[meadow_wind]

The two of you are feeding off each other in ways that are wholly inappropriate.

Is it ok to ask about the term "feeding off each other" in this context?
I would like to understand when this term is being used, is it used literally, or is it a figure of speech, or both?

Agreed, please be appreciative of those of us who have limited time to catch up with the forum, and want to make that time worthwhile. Scrolling through pages and pages of low quality posts is just annoying.

I agree with this. I'm struggling with time management and I really appreciate when things remain concise and on topic as much as possible. Regarding this thread, I've only read the first post and a couple after, and then I dropped it.

 

[Beau]

As we confided personal thoughts/feelings/life events, we began to develop a friendship of sorts. These are not conversations that are readily available in real life. As we both relaxed a bit and let our guards down, the friendly teasing/bantering began to become a part of these conversations. Like kids we tried to 'one up' each other, almost like a humor battle of wits.

As an outside observer, it comes across less as friendly teasing and more flirting. It looks like emotional cheating from the married person too. I would guess that no one would want their husband/wife to be taking in the confidential thoughts/feelings of a single person of the opposite sex who they recently met, whether online or in real life. It's not appropriate

Beyond that, this forum is not a chat room. If you want to have conversations like you are having, this isn't the place. Also, I wouldn't recommend confiding personal thoughts/feelings to a relative stranger on the internet. This ties in with your attraction to bad boys in my opinion. Both involve low harm avoidance. I'd recommend the book Women Who Love Psychopaths for more on that.

 

[RedFox]

Is it ok to ask about the term "feeding off each other" in this context?
I would like to understand when this term is being used, is it used literally, or is it a figure of speech, or both?

I'd go with literal.
Although how much is energetic and how much is emotional/chemical would be hard to say.

The Wave Chapter 46: The Theological Reality

This section deals with my growing awareness of the Matrix that conceals the theological reality and how difficult it is to break free of the illusion that our reality is as it presents itself to b…

cassiopaea.org

My perceptions had certainly changed, but I was not really able to say how or why. All kinds of thoughts and realizations about reality were shaping themselves in my mind, but as usual, I was keeping it to myself to observe and ponder it before I attempted to explain it to anyone. The first concrete manifestation of this awakening was right after we returned from the conference and I drove to the high school to pick up my daughter as I did every day. I was sitting there in the parking lot watching all the kids pouring out of the different doors of the building onto the school yard. There were kids who were racing to their cars or to their buses, and there were many others who were milling about, congregating in their little groups and cliques. I couldn’t hear anything anyone was saying since I was observing from a distance, but I could most definitely see certain dynamics – something like a pecking order – playing out before my eyes.

Each group consisted of about seven or eight people – maybe as many as ten. In each group there was a dominant person who was the focal point of the gathering. Watching the eye contact, the touching, the fawning behavior of the “low man” in the group, was a fascinating study. And as I watched, I noticed something else: the dominant person actually seemed to swell and grow while the submissive persons gathered around him literally seemed to shrink. Of course, this was a trick of posture and the way they were all holding their bodies, but it was definitely clear that there was a form of feeding taking place. And when the submissive persons ran out of “juice,” they were dismissed to the outer fringes of the circle and a new submissive moved in to take their place. The eye contact and touching went through the same series of gestures, and the dominant person stood taller and taller, and his or her eyes opened wider and glowed brighter, while the submissives were diminished one by one, shoulders slumped, and they often crept away.

I found myself actually holding my breath as I watched this amazing display. Of course I thought of Jane Goodall and her years of observation of chimpanzees, and I knew I wasn’t thinking anything terribly original here. The big difference was that I was seeing it not just in terms of psychological dynamics, but an actual energy transfer – the theological reality. It was this theological reality that had suddenly been opened to my perception as though I had withdrawn into space and was viewing it from a distance.

Then there is the feeding 'through us'

The Wave Chapter 25: A Walk In Nature Among The Names of God Where We Have An Interview With the Vampire And Discover a Cosmic Egg

A Walk In Nature Among The Names of God Where We Have An Interview With the Vampire And Discover a Cosmic Egg At this point, I want to share with you the fact that, like many of you who write to me…

cassiopaea.org

Barbara Hort, Ph.D., a Jungian psychologist is saying something quite similar. In Unholy Hungers she writes:

The Beast has always been with us. For as long as our hearts have pumped blood, for as long as our souls have glowed with life, for as long as we have yearned for love, the beast has always been there. Sneering and stalking, drooling and scheming, it licks its full, soft lips in anticipation of its next warm meal. For the beast is essentially a feeding thing. Oh, yes, it has many faces, all of them human, and it has our endearing manners as well. But those human graces are a camouflage born of necessity — they are the disguise that enables the beast to prevail. Beneath its veneer of humanity, the core of the beast is hunger, and survival is its only goal.
The beast hungers for survival, but not for life as we know it. … It has a clever mind and an insatiable hunger. To survive, the beast must appease its hunger, and it can feed only on the thing it lacks — the essence of life. So the beast must prey upon us, the living. It must suck our lifeblood and drain our force.
If we are lucky, we will merely die. If we are less fortunate, we will succumb to the deepest horror of the beast’s predation, which is that most of its victims will not die. Instead, we will become the thing to which we have fallen prey, and we will be compelled to feed in the same parasitic way. Thus the feeding frenzy spreads, swelling into a bestial legion whose progenitors haunted prehistory. The beast is ancient and global and growing. I have many stories, and shapes without number, and all are like shadows — elusive and dim. But the name that we call the beast itself is clear and cold and precise. We call the beast vampire.
The story of the vampires is as old, as tangled, and as evil as any on earth. … So many, many names, and among them lies a hard truth. The vampire stalks the living in every corner of the human world. Dracula is only a single vampire among a global horde, and what’s more, he is a young member of the clan, for he was born in the mind of Bram Stoker only one hundred years ago, and he was based on a warlord who lived less than six hundred years ago — a mere breath of time, considering it was more than three thousand years ago that the Assyrians and Babylonians described the monster ekimmu, an undead corpse who preyed upon the blood and flesh of the living in an effort to evade its own death. So it is between us and the vampire. Wherever we have lived, whenever we have lived, the beast has always been with us.
What can account for the ancient, global presence of the vampire in myth and lore? (Hort, 1996)

Of course, draining isn't always the initial result - you can get into 'love bite' situations (at the extreme end) too - which is 4D 'nudging' of 'normal' human dynamics.

The Love Bite by Eve Frances Lorgen

Charles and Sara

Charles and Sara, both lifelong abductees, meet at a social event. The two feel an instant sense of recognition and are attracted to one another. They talk and exchange phone numbers so they can continue to correspond. Charles has a strong romantic attraction to Sara even though Sara is already happily married. Sara seems very familiar to Charles and he is convinced he has had dreams and shared alien encounters with Sara before. Charles distinctly remembers seeing Sara nude in an intimate dream-like encounter where bonding took place. He was able to correctly identify specific body marks on Sara that he could not have known otherwise. Charles becomes infatuated with Sara, telephoning her several times a day. He tells Sara of his alien experiences, claiming that the aliens set them up together, pre-bonding them because they have "similar energetic frequencies." Sara does not recall anything of this nature, nor does she share romantic notions for Charles. Sara is however, baffled by Charles' correct knowledge of her body marks and odd synchronicities that have recently arisen between them. Charles continues to have flashbacks of intimate contact with Sara and even has future memories of them being together with a child of their own. In fact, Charles believes that Sara's young child from her current marriage may actually be his, and she doesn't know it. He becomes obsessed and believes they have a special destiny together. Charles cannot take the hint from Sara that she is not interested in him, and continues to call her often. Sara doesn't reciprocate love feelings for Charles and starts avoiding him, leaving him crushed with unrequited love. The obsession has taken hold and Charles does not give up hope that they will have a special love relationship in the future. After all, this is what the aliens apparently communicated to him and Charles wants to believe the extraterrestrials are here for our own good.

 

[jacygirl]

(Alejo you beat me to the punch. I had this draft ready to send but got busy:)

I am going to get semi-serious for a moment. (before you fire off another salvo for me to bounce off of.) The topic is Gurdjieff's idea of external consideration. I am going to assume you know what that is, although maybe not. I can certainly see and feel how us going back and forth could be quite annoying to some others. It could be interpreted as just so much noise although I do agree there is much to be learned from it, or I wouldn't be engaging in it so whole-heartedly. It is all educational.

That said, I feel comfortable confining it to this thread. Could it stand a rename given what it has become? Loose Cannon Alley? Conversations with Jacygirl and BHelmet? Beautiful Noise - a John Cage Rebuttal? The Watering Hole? Maybe you have some good ones. It is technically your thread.

So it seems we have this burgeoning repartee that has been invoked. I have some hesitancy to carry on everywhere else in a like manner unless it seems warranted. I don't think I can totally reply in a straight manner in other threads to what you might say given the relationship that is evolving. I do want to respect the sincerity and seriousness of other posters. (even if it is an act...couldn't resist) Talking with you is very freeing and I love it but I don't want to create an "OH, GOD there THEY go again! Ugh!" thing. Your thoughts and feelings?

I didn't see this thread before I went to bed last night, and didn't see it this morning. I just read it now. So I'm going to reply, breaking my temporary (?) vow of silence.
Gurdjieff? Yes but don't remember all, it's been a while. Us annoying? Without a doubt, but it felt more like 2 large dogs bouncing around like puppies. Annoying but not likely to last long before they tire themselves out. I thought it was a topic worth discussing and had no idea how it would go.
Confining to this thread? No worries, I will not be following you (never was) and if you respond in threads I read, I will 'like' and leave. I think I'm going to go back to being a lurker/reader for a while.

The burgeoning repartee? I've really put much thought into this all day. I realized something that hopefully makes sense to you, because it does to me. I realize that I get a very positive reaction when someone has a sense of humor. Why? Because I know I am talking to another human being. Not an AI/bot. They don't have a sense of humor yet. Why is this relevant? Because of "Westworld".

Not the movie (Yul Brynner?) but the 3-season mini-series from 2016. Human like robots with AI in various scenarios for people to pay to play with. Men going there with the intention of raping and killing old west bar-room saloon women. The robots were sent for repair and then back out on the floor again. With time they became self aware. They knew they were being abused. How does this relate?

AI wasn't prevalent in 2016, not to me. The idea of people paying to rape/kill/torture disgusted me. But I worried for the AI robots who were now self aware. The implications were awful. Current day, AI is everywhere and bots are all over the internet. These bots will likely never be in human robots, they are doing a more menial job. But the AI presence is everywhere and on some sites, it seems to be hard to find a human. I try to remain positive but the immediate future looks bleak in so many ways.

I am constantly grieving anymore. People I know, some I love...have died recently. Including my best friend. I think the unexpected burst of humor between us was a relief...it evoked a positive feeling that I probably needed after all the crying. I'm usually aware enough of my surroundings to behave accordingly and even mentioned not wanting to 'drift' a couple of threads we were both in. I think that perhaps because I authored this thread and nobody else was really interested in participating...that it was ok for us to be goofy.

I am sorry. Not for the 'cause' but more about the 'effect'. I never took your joking comments as inappropriate, and it was like 'Jeopardy Humor' trying to match wits with you. I'm also not still trying to get the last word...but I guess that's up to you! Take care.