BHelmet
The Living Force
The heat has finally broken here in Oregon and it's a great day to tackle my solar panel set up, but, obviously things need to be addressed here. Not sure I will get to everything but here is a start.
Awesome! See? Errr...
There is value here, like so many other train wrecks that turn into learning lessons. It was only a matter of time. Verbal/mental intimacy is both revealing and can be hugely triggering when on overt display.
Some background: I have two other LONG time friends, both males, who I have this type of relationship with. It’s rare, and amazing and wonderful. I also have this with 1 of my 4 kids where the space of open communication is bidirectional and disarming honesty prevails. There are different ways to look at it and I’m glad it’s coming out here now in this thread.
It is possible to discover and create relationships that are both honest and have nothing to do with sex even if they sound like they might. The listening of the observer is as much in play as what might really be going on. I could sense the discomfort building and that is why I wrote what I did about external consideration to preemptively address the issue a few posts back. Jacygirl didn't really have a chance to respond before the chorus began.
The last thing I want or need (especially at age 74 after a recent heart attack) is a romantic relationship with another female. Lord, do I appear THAT crazy?? I don't need another hole in my head or my heart. But, being able to honestly share with another and receive back in kind with a background of acceptance, and investigative exploration, irrespective of gender, is a rare treasure. Furthermore, my wife has had, over the years, similar types of relationships with others than me, some of the male gender. At first this was a big challenge to my level of trust as well as personal insecurity. But it is true that not any one person is going to 100% have the ability to relate and provide all of the feedback needed for growth, even our spouse. (or our kids) They need other mentors and perspective. It is necessary to let go a bit in order to nurture the bond. You don’t develop real trust in a relationship without those challenges to vulnerability and ego at some point. At least, that is my experience. To truly develop trust, I needed that catalyst of letting her go, a bit.
(Sidebar addendum: I have always been a cutie (their words, not mine) and had plenty of temptations mince past my door after marriage including some of my wife's "friends". I refused them all even when no one was there but the opportunity. I am not that type to mess around. It became an aim of my life to be true and loyal unto death, as the vows state, given that there was a history in my family. My dad was born out of wedlock from an adulterous affair, for example. So I took it on (personally karmically as well) to heal that aspect of my family tree. You don't know that, (I have not shared it) but the judgements are inevitable.
I am not going to deeply address the tendency to judge. It probably deserves a thread of its own. (and I am not immune either, of course) A few words are in order, though. Everybody tends to convince themselves they see rightly and truly. If it looks and smells to you like something is "X" - that does not necessarily mean it IS X, in spite of the "If it walks and talks like a Duck, etc" memes. It only seems to be suggestive that it walks and talks like a duck and places that thought in the mind. IOW, I am saying this interaction is not what you think you are seeing and you can believe me or not. You can say I am deluded. Fine. I get it. It is up to you. (and the level of commitment to being "right" that you might have.) Should I be honest with y'all? I can't say I enjoy the "get a room" type comments, but I do appreciate them. There are counters to that but it would be counterproductive.
All that said, all options are on the table. Just shut that “bad boy” down; continue in a confined limited way; or get tossed out. Or something else. Bottom line, this IS what networking is about. I am open and as I said earlier, I do not want to be a problem. I want to respect everyones sensibilities up to, but not including, absolute self-suppression. On the other hand, there is a LOT beginning to play out here and I think it should be allowed: both all the comments and whatever Jacygirl and I might make of it. It should be a valuable lesson.
On a certain level Jacygirl and I represent 2 firing neurons of the cosmic soul disturbing some adjacent neurons. Is it dysfunctional or negative and an STS based thing? Maybe. Are the negative comments dysfunctional and negative and STS? Maybe. Or are both vectors reflective of a 4D STO inclination? Mayyybeee. Who is really engaging in the drainage? It is debatable. I want to believe there is the space for all of it. Now, given the way this is playing out, I doubt very much Jacygirl and I will continue to interact in the exact same manner. (BTW, I have not DM'd her or said any more than what you see.) I am not sure how it will go. All your objections and impressions are duly noted and will be taken into consideration by my Department of External Consideration. Thank you.
Sincerely
Awesome! See? Errr...
There is value here, like so many other train wrecks that turn into learning lessons. It was only a matter of time. Verbal/mental intimacy is both revealing and can be hugely triggering when on overt display.
Some background: I have two other LONG time friends, both males, who I have this type of relationship with. It’s rare, and amazing and wonderful. I also have this with 1 of my 4 kids where the space of open communication is bidirectional and disarming honesty prevails. There are different ways to look at it and I’m glad it’s coming out here now in this thread.
It is possible to discover and create relationships that are both honest and have nothing to do with sex even if they sound like they might. The listening of the observer is as much in play as what might really be going on. I could sense the discomfort building and that is why I wrote what I did about external consideration to preemptively address the issue a few posts back. Jacygirl didn't really have a chance to respond before the chorus began.
The last thing I want or need (especially at age 74 after a recent heart attack) is a romantic relationship with another female. Lord, do I appear THAT crazy?? I don't need another hole in my head or my heart. But, being able to honestly share with another and receive back in kind with a background of acceptance, and investigative exploration, irrespective of gender, is a rare treasure. Furthermore, my wife has had, over the years, similar types of relationships with others than me, some of the male gender. At first this was a big challenge to my level of trust as well as personal insecurity. But it is true that not any one person is going to 100% have the ability to relate and provide all of the feedback needed for growth, even our spouse. (or our kids) They need other mentors and perspective. It is necessary to let go a bit in order to nurture the bond. You don’t develop real trust in a relationship without those challenges to vulnerability and ego at some point. At least, that is my experience. To truly develop trust, I needed that catalyst of letting her go, a bit.
(Sidebar addendum: I have always been a cutie (their words, not mine) and had plenty of temptations mince past my door after marriage including some of my wife's "friends". I refused them all even when no one was there but the opportunity. I am not that type to mess around. It became an aim of my life to be true and loyal unto death, as the vows state, given that there was a history in my family. My dad was born out of wedlock from an adulterous affair, for example. So I took it on (personally karmically as well) to heal that aspect of my family tree. You don't know that, (I have not shared it) but the judgements are inevitable.
I am not going to deeply address the tendency to judge. It probably deserves a thread of its own. (and I am not immune either, of course) A few words are in order, though. Everybody tends to convince themselves they see rightly and truly. If it looks and smells to you like something is "X" - that does not necessarily mean it IS X, in spite of the "If it walks and talks like a Duck, etc" memes. It only seems to be suggestive that it walks and talks like a duck and places that thought in the mind. IOW, I am saying this interaction is not what you think you are seeing and you can believe me or not. You can say I am deluded. Fine. I get it. It is up to you. (and the level of commitment to being "right" that you might have.) Should I be honest with y'all? I can't say I enjoy the "get a room" type comments, but I do appreciate them. There are counters to that but it would be counterproductive.
All that said, all options are on the table. Just shut that “bad boy” down; continue in a confined limited way; or get tossed out. Or something else. Bottom line, this IS what networking is about. I am open and as I said earlier, I do not want to be a problem. I want to respect everyones sensibilities up to, but not including, absolute self-suppression. On the other hand, there is a LOT beginning to play out here and I think it should be allowed: both all the comments and whatever Jacygirl and I might make of it. It should be a valuable lesson.
On a certain level Jacygirl and I represent 2 firing neurons of the cosmic soul disturbing some adjacent neurons. Is it dysfunctional or negative and an STS based thing? Maybe. Are the negative comments dysfunctional and negative and STS? Maybe. Or are both vectors reflective of a 4D STO inclination? Mayyybeee. Who is really engaging in the drainage? It is debatable. I want to believe there is the space for all of it. Now, given the way this is playing out, I doubt very much Jacygirl and I will continue to interact in the exact same manner. (BTW, I have not DM'd her or said any more than what you see.) I am not sure how it will go. All your objections and impressions are duly noted and will be taken into consideration by my Department of External Consideration. Thank you.
Sincerely
)... 
