Menna said:
Thank you Heimdallr - the bolded and for himself put it into perspective. I take it as don't tell people how they wronged you or how this or that just tell them how you feel and leave it at that.
The thing with external consideration, is you can't I think boil it down to a hard and fast rule. There is no bumper sticker solution. Each situation is going to be different, each person different.
With family or with long time friends, people that know you as you are. For them, it can be externally considerate to be no different externally then you always have been, so you might act grumpy or annoyed or be sarcastic or quiet or angry or whatever it is that they are used to. It is externally considerate not to change anything externally for them (and will make life a
whole lot easier for you). But
internally you can become different, you act as you always did but you can learn watch yourself, notice how you feel, what is happening inside. The thing is to not let it then
become you once again, you have to learn to act it.
With children if you have them, it might be externally considerate to be very angry with them when the need arises. But you choose it. Internally you might be hating every second of it, feeling bad that you are upsetting them, that they will hate you for it. But when you catch your kid doing something that puts them in danger for example, or say behaving very badly toward your partner, then anger can be called for. So inside you are not really angry, are maybe feeling the opposite but you play the role. Again, the thing is then not to
become the anger. I think this is what Gurdjieff means by separation.
For others who have never met you, it can be different again. Sometimes, or maybe most of the time as we are, when we feel wronged by others it is only another mechanical part that gets upset, and in turn we react from yet another mechanical part. That is not acting a role then, purely the machine running. I say to someone "good morning" and they are in a bad mood, and sarcastically snap back "oh, is it really" and walk off, I feel wronged. How dare they! My self importance is wounded, my inner child hurt by the rejection of a friendly greeting. External consideration then is to just let it go, smile, walk away or whatever. Who knows what has happened to that person to make them act such a way? They might be an awful person, or they might just have lost a loved one, who can tell. External consideration is to leave them be whatever it is.
Sometimes though, there can be need to express your inner feelings, or when something is truly unjust. The trick is to learn what to do when. There is 'good' there is 'bad' and the specific circumstance that decides which is which. If it is to be an externally considerate action, then it should be conscious, you choose it rather than letting
it choose
you.
I think it is something that has to grow, we can't do these things all at once, are not equipped or able to correct all of the things we might start to see in ourselves as we are. And indeed, I think Gurdjieff advised his students at first to
change nothing, so that there is a period in which to observe. It also heads off a lot of problems that we can create for ourselves trying to fix everything all at once, which is not at all externally considerate when those around you think you've suddenly lost your marbles.
Maybe try being externally considerate with just one person, think about all that that person might require (or not) from you and try to be/do/give/say those things that will 'adapt towards them, to their understanding, to their requirements. That will make life easy for them and for yourself'. It might be easier that way to get a handle on what external consideration is on a small scale for a while and to then expand it up from there, as a suggestion.
