It’s difficult to describe the state of my mind after the return of the “Prodigal Son.” All of my do-gooder programs had been effectively activated in a powerful way in by the perception of physical and spiritual danger to Frank. My rescue program, mother program and save-the-lost-and-heal-the-wounded program – all were on hyperdrive with one object: Frank. His plight had been so eloquently described when he said: “I think what they mean is, when you can channel as I can, because I channel almost continuously, this has a good side and a bad side. Now, the good side you know. The bad side you don’t know. The bad side is very hard to live with. I cannot even describe the state of my mind.”
I realized at this point that what had been done to Frank as an infant and a young child, was that he had been programmed or engineered to be a channel, in the sense of being almost empty inside of anything that was essentially “him.” It was almost as though he had been drilled through, like with a well digging machine, cored out and reconfigured. I began to understand that, in this sense, he was “the channel,” in the same way a pipe that is sunk into the ground is a channel for the water or oil to be extracted. I also understood that it depended entirely upon who or what he was connected to, as to what was drawn through this pipeline.
In a sense, my perception of him was that he was as helpless in his dilemma as a newborn baby.
My idea at this point was rather simple: obviously, Frank very desperately needed to be connected to me in order for the Cassiopaeans to be the well from which the information he channeled was drawn, and it was crucial to his development and survival that this connection be sustained and further developed. I had the idea that, just as a pipe is made wet by what passes through it, the more he channeled the Cassiopaeans, the more saturated he would be with the STO messages, and the more likely it was that the healing of his own soul would take place. His free will had been so violated, so decimated, that the only way to rebuild it, to restore it, to restore his soul, so to speak, was to channel with me as regularly and as often as possible. Just as a mother feeds a baby so he will grow, I committed to “feeding” Frank so that he would grow into the great soul that I was sure he was capable of becoming. Whether or not he had been a higher spiritual being who had become helpless by agreeing to be born, and who had afterward been attacked and manipulated by dark forces to create this condition, didn’t really matter. I was committed anew to “helping” him. And I was committed with full heart and soul and mind.
Frank, on the other hand, having been exposed as being something other than the higher spiritual being that he had so repeatedly claimed – having acted in a way that belied such a claim and in fact, having given evidence of very dark self – had to reorganize himself as well.
Now, it would be rather easy for me to just write it all off as having been victimized by a conscious con-man, and that is always a possibility. But the fact seems to be that in human dynamics, each participant in a drama is, at some level, firmly convinced of the rightness of their view and perceptions. The test is, of course, how closely their views align with factual data and observable evidence.
As we have just seen, chemistry can play a huge role in our perceptions. What we view for all of our lives in a certain way, can be changed in an instant of soul-shock. And most often, after the shock wears off, the programmed or accepted view, gradually displaces the clarity and we go back to sleep in our illusions and narcissistic constructs of reality. This is why the Cassiopaeans repeatedly encourage us to dig, dig, dig for facts and evidence. Don’t listen to opinions; check the facts.
We have explored, to some extent, the idea that the psychological make-up of an individual can be the real reason they do something or behave a certain way. But beyond that, what we were in the process of learning from the Cassiopaeans was that this so-called psychological dynamic was merely the tool with which battles between forces are fought in hyperdimensional realities. The significance of this point cannot be overemphasized, because until the individual fully grasps the idea that their very thoughts, emotions, and perceptions can be augmented by external forces – which can include brain chemical alteration – and how drastically this can change their perceptions, they have no possibility of developing the ability to truly act with free will.
As I have said before: any woman who has experienced PMS knows how changes in chemistry can so completely alter perception and thinking, that it is utterly terrifying to think that this might be the constant state in which we live: a bag of hormones and brain chemicals that keep us connected to the Matrix as food.
I had, of course, gone back to sleep in my narcissistic images of myself as the rescuer and do-gooder and healer of all wounds and mother to every lost child; images that had been inculcated into me from childhood, as the readers of Amazing Grace already know. That’s the real reason of the psychological substrate. The theological reason was, of course, that, utilizing such programs as the tool, I was most definitely set up to be energetic food.
The question arises at this moment as to why I would refer to such seemingly positive self-images as narcissistic? Aren’t people who rescue and do good and heal and function as mothers pursuing paths of service to others?
Indeed they are. The difference is: are they functioning from a position of truth or wishful thinking? And this is, ultimately, the difference that I was about to learn, even though it took me another year to get even the first phase of the lesson under my belt. It’s an ongoing project!
All of us here in this reality are, to one extent or another, predators or prey. The husband who is energetically fed upon by his employer cannot refuse because he would lose his job. So, he goes home and feeds on his wife. The wife is afraid to refuse because the husband might leave and she is helpless and must care for her children. But she is deficient in energy and she must get it somewhere, so she manipulatively indulges her children so that they will give her praise and love, and thereby feeds on them. She may also abuse them psychologically to feed on their suffering. She doesn’t see that she is feeding on them; she is behaving mechanically according to the programs of the Matrix which keep the whole machine complex running to constantly siphon energy off and pass it up the line to – well, to whom?
Our fourth density STS hyperdimensional Controllers of the Matrix, perhaps?
It is in this context that the theological reality becomes all important. Aside from just thinking or talking about the psychological substrate, the tools of the battle, we need to see the clear distinction between the forces. As above, so below.
In an STS hierarchy, as described above, there is an ultimate feeder, or recipient of the energy that is gathered and passed along through the interstitial spaces of our reality – the threads of consciousness that connect us to our family, friends and associates. In the case of the STS reality, this is a Thought Center of Non-being which is where consciousness goes that has been ultimately matterized. Because, consciousness that is being drawn to the idea of non-being cannot actually become nothing, or die, but it can go to sleep for a very, very, very long time. In short, consciousness that is subsumed into the STS hierarchy ultimately becomes primal matter.
In some philosophies, this truth that a certain pathway will lead to matterization is openly taught – at least in the inner circles. To achieve this “oneness of eternal sleep” is the primary objective. Exercises and tasks of almost superhuman darkness are undertaken in order to be granted this eternal rest. The problem, however, as the higher teachers of this pathway very well know, is that in order for this oneness to be achieved, as they desire it, all else in the cosmos must be brought to a halt – the eternal expansion and cycling of creation must be ended – God must be killed, or at least effectively put back to sleep.
What this means is that the idea of “being” must be destroyed. Like a snake that attempts to swallow its tail in order to end its own existence, the STS pathway seeks to swallow all of creation into the sleep of non-being.
When we wake up and realize that we feed on those below us, and are in turn fed upon by those “above us,” we naturally want to ask what is the alternative? And the Cassiopaeans have presented an alternative: STO, something that is hardly conceivable in our reality, a circle of symbiotic giving and support where no violation of free will occurs, and where the energy commutates and expands for All, instead of disappearing along an ever-narrowing, one-way street to the top of an STS pyramid.
It is in the gaining of knowledge about how our archetypal images are twisted so that we are manipulated to feed the STS pyramidal hierarchy that we have the chance to become free of it and join the STO circle of commutating, shared energy and joyful creation.
In other words, when we are locked in a dynamic that is fundamentally STS, there is no equal sharing of energy. One or the other participants is the predator and one or the other is the energy food, and the energy of both is being drawn off to some higher being who is manipulating the situation for this very purpose. And it is not always easy to discern this unless we are fully aware of the theological reality and learn to read the very small signs. The Matrix is cleverly designed to conceal itself, but as all mechanical systems, it is not perfect. With careful attention and awareness, the man behind the curtain can be seen.
What this means is that when my images of positive orientation were activated, they were activated narcissistically so that I thought I was doing all those good things for another soul that was truly asking. But the truth was, that other soul was not asking; I was being manipulated to give my energy of helping, mothering, healing, doing good, to the STS dynamic which ultimately seeks to kill all of those things by draining the energy of those who are configured that way. And I was being tricked to do it by the activation of my illusions about how these things operate rather than keeping my eyes open to the truth that I had already seen.
Frank had also experienced a shock, I am sure. I can only speculate that he may have perceived the darkness within which was revealed by his behavior. There is altogether the possibility that he was so locked in his narcissistic image of himself as a higher spiritual being who was simply too good for this earth that even this revealing event could not penetrate that shell of illusion. What is certain is that he was at least aware that the members of the group, and probably society at large (at least those members of society who ascribe to truth, honor, courage, decency), would view his little lapse as a clue to a hidden persona of darkness. There had been a serious crack in the image he presented of himself, and it had almost resulted in the complete loss of his ostensible quarry.
What was his quarry? What did Frank want?
Well, the evidence of the many clues scattered throughout the text, as well as the observations of the other participants and witnesses, was that his psychological make-up drove him to seek fame and fortune – with a strange twist: he felt he was entitled to it, that he deserved it and ought to have it, but had no intention of doing any work for it. He was, essentially, a coat-tail rider. But the Cs have said that there was another reason: “He was programmed for the specific purpose of “downloading” from you secrets coded into you before birth of your present body. He failed because you were incorruptible. He is now charged with the mission, in concert with Vincent Bridges, of destroying your ability to accomplish your mission.”
That, then, becomes the theological reason behind the real reason.
But, as we have noted, there was another dynamic at work that the Cs have identified:
Q: Was that the reason that you encouraged Terry and Jan to be present? To counterbalance Frank’s negative energy?
A: Yes. Frank would have killed you with his STS draining rather soon otherwise.
And here is where we arrive at the crux of the matter: Because of my lack of awareness of the theological reality, I had fallen victim to what is called in Jungian psychology the “feminine vampire.” This designation is not really gender oriented in the sense that a woman preys on a man. The archetype is that of the person of power or force or energy who is victimized or fed upon by an individual who seems to be completely disempowered. Allow me to quote from Jungian psychologist, Barbara E. Hort’s book Unholy Hungers, keeping in mind that the dynamic she describes is the real reason, and behind it is the theological reason. She tells the story in terms of a knight rescuing a damsel in distress, but more often than not, in our world, the opposite is true: women rescue men due to their mother instinct which is precisely the same dance.
It may seem incomprehensible that a powerful person could be victimized by a psychic vampire who seems to be completely disempowered. Yet there are few lures more potent for a powerful champion than rescuing a grateful waif in distress. How exciting it is to save someone from the jaws of tragedy, particularly if the recipient is adoring and appreciative! You, the noble champion, journey alone down the desolate nighttime road, when there appears by the wayside a sweet little mist who is weeping in loneliness and alluring despair. Ah, you think, here is a perfect chance for me to put my sword to its proper use! Here is someone to save! And how charmingly pathetic she is! Perhaps there will be some love for me at the end of the heroic rescue!
Your sword flashes up, and you dash to her aid – slaying all foes, fixing all woes, and paying each bill that she hands you. You parry and thrust, parry and thrust, cutting off hundreds of dragon heads, past the point of exhaustion, for two adoring eyes are watching and their owner must not be let down. Onward you march, beyond fatigue, beyond all means, until your every resource is spent. But still you fight on, despite your depletion, to rescue the sweet, helpless mist, for how could you let down the poor little thing? Whatever would become of the helpless mist without you and your sword to defend her against the cruel world?
The dance between an empowered masculine victim and the feminine vampire who hides under the veil of vulnerability may be the most insidious vampiric duet of them all. So many of us have gone to our physical, financial and spiritual graves never realizing that we have been duped, never relenting in the deployment of our swords, never stanching the flow of our blood, and all for the sake of a pitiable feminine vampire? How can we be so powerful and yet so blind?
But really, our gullibility is no mystery. When we embark on the path of the Champion, when we don the armor of empowerment, we expect our vampires also to be draped in the cloak of power. We never suspect that a vampire might veil itself in the guise of weakness and vulnerability. What’s more, when the Champion Archetype is active in our psyche, we strive to serve those less fortunate than ourselves, so when we come upon the sweet mist by the side of the road, is it any wonder that we bleed on its behalf? What a cruel ruse this is, for in fact the mist is a vampire who will feed on us by exploiting the very nobility of which our Championhood is based.
In the beginning, the man was happy to rescue the pathetic damsel, who, coincidentally, had just one or two more little traumas that she hoped he would be kind enough to rectify. Thus began a long series of heroic rescues, each one of which was appreciated by the woman only long enough to resuscitate her hero before she needed his next valorous deed. …
She is Spider – the incarnation of the Terrible Mother as a devouring weaver of fate and bringer of inevitable death. …
… In A Dictionary of Symbols, J.E. Cirlot interprets the image of the spider at the center of her web to represent the Gnostic notion that “evil is not only at the periphery of the Wheel of Transformation but in its very centre – that is, in its Origin.” The image of the Great Spider on her web is symbolically synonymous with another ancient image of the negative Feminine, one that is found at the center of many web-like labyrinths. The image is that of the Gorgon Medusa …
Why is it so difficult for us, even when we are empowered, to kill the feminine vampire? One reason may be that the ethic of nobility asserts that the strong should protect the weak. …
In all cases, the empowered victim perceives that life has bestowed on him or her some opportunities that the feminine vampire never had. For the pitiful vampire’s sake, the victim strives to excel in ways that are not personally meaningful, because he is made to feel that turning aside to more meaningful pursuits is a deadly abandonment of the poor, disadvantaged vampire. Clearly, this vampiric duet is insidious and pervasive which is why a model for its deactivation is very important to our psychic health. …
Because the archetype of Medusa, like that of the feminine vampire, is as complicated as it is dangerous … the creature that best embodies the inner nature of the feminine vampire is the needle-fanged, cold-blooded, venom-spewing serpent. …
… The Medusan vampire slithers up in silent hunger behind her unwary prey, freezing her target with her stare (pitifulness and wiles of the damsel in distress), and then sinks her fangs into the petrified victim, spitting out the venom of her embittered rage, and then leaves the lifeless body behind as she gathers her sinuous coils of deceptive lethargy and sniffs the air for the scent of hot blood, waiting for the next victim who will prolong her life … The Medusan vampire relies on snakelike subtlety to capture her prey. …
[The true hero] must be able to sense the Medusan viper who lurks under the veil of imploring vulnerability … note the term “sense” rather than “see.” The myth tells us that it is extremely dangerous to look directly on the truth of this entity, for the vision will immobilize and destroy us.
This means that the key to our approach to the Medusan vampire is to do it reflectively. If we have spent time in the company of someone who is a feminine vampire, we already have some Medusan behavior on which to reflect. By engaging in reflective exercises, we can safely bring the light of our consciousness to bear on the monster we wish to deactivate, without looking her full in the face and risking petrification [by the pitifulness of her projected situation]. … Have we been pulled by our compassion to give more to this pathetic being, who seemed to be suffering unfairly? [Have we felt guilt at the thought of abandoning her when the problems seemed too great? Has she induced guilt by claiming how worthless she is, so that you, fair champion, can assure her that she is not, indeed, worthless, but merely disadvantaged or in need of rescue?] If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then we are probably dealing with a feminine cvampire [a Medusa who is slowly turning you to stone].
If [this individual] evokes your compassion, remember that Medusa’s story was pathetic, too, but that did not lessen her dangerousness. Whenever we feel the itch of the pity for a feminine vampire, we would be wise to recall the image of Perseus as he backed slowly toward the Gorgon … we must hold the image of Perseus close to our hearts and remember that if he had dropped his guard, let his attention waver for a moment, or glanced backward out of guilt or compassion, then we would have been transformed into yet another of Medusa’s yard ornaments.
An awareness of the feminine vampire’s nature is critical to her deactivation, but it is not sufficient. In the stories of Perseus and Oedipus, the call of greater deeds and a higher good kept the champion from yielding to the ruses of the feminine vampire. (Hort 1996, 113–114, 134, 136–137, 143–144, 146–147)
Where Frank was concerned, I admitted him into my life out of courtesy and compassion. He was so desperately lonely and “different” and in need of help, companionship, acceptance and true self-esteem. He used all the words at his command to produce the belief in me that he was an empathic soul, striving for resonance with other souls. He was very interested in me and my life, and I perceived this as part of his seeking of resonance.
At first, all of his questions about me and my experiences seemed to be sincere interest, and I answered them and indulged his need for information. It is also true that, at the beginning I experienced surges of uneasy suspicion. Very often, his questions were entirely too personal, too probing, too hungry for information that was private. But I was trying to be polite, to accommodate him in a courteous way, and I discarded these suspicions.
Frank made detailed inquiries about my thoughts, my health, my life, my state of affairs. It was as if he were conducting an in-depth interview with an important person. No one in my experience had ever been really interested in what I thought about anything, nor had they made me feel that anything about my life was important, and so I answered the questions about my thoughts, and soon found myself answering all the other questions as well.
The skill of guileless cross-examination is the chief tool of the feminine vampire, because information is power; when you have information about people, you have a means of exploiting them, which is, after all, the primary objective of the vampire.
I didn’t realize that my answers were like money in the bank to Frank – hoarded, to be used later for manipulation.
At the point of the almost breakup, I had come to the realization that Frank’s interviews were followed by his demand that I listen to his litany of woes and the favor of my time to the point of utter exhaustion. Since he had been so concerned about my well-being, asking such careful and detailed questions, how could I be so discourteous as to refuse to listen and comply with his need for time and energy?
The end result was, of course, that I was hit with a double whammy. Not only did I feed Frank with my energy, I also gave him information that he could use to exploit and control me.
Of course, it is true that a vampire does not become a vampire without having been bitten and infected. The Jungian psychologists would like to think that the infection is passed on from parent to child, that this condition results from early childhood victimization by the parents. It certainly seems to be true that parental programming of a child is part of the means by which the infection is spread, but it also seems that there is something far more insidious at work here: hyperdimensional beings, literally the archetype of the ancient vampire.
Frank’s conscious memories of his abductions and torment at the hands of aliens as well as the fact that he did not fight back were all clues. But there were many more clues that developed over the next couple of years.
There is, of course, in any such person, some sort of vestigial soul. It may be a soul that is growing and which will, at some point in the future – perhaps another lifetime – begin the process of spiritualizaton of its matter environment. On the other hand, it may be a soul that is diminishing, or in the process of matterization, compaction, or subsumation of consciousness to the STS hierarchy. It’s really hard to tell. My guess – and it’s only a guess – is that at this point in history, the types of souls that will be incarnated are not so much the immature kind as they are those that are potentially at the point where this all-important choice is being made – to choose the wishful-thinking, STS path of ultimate matter, or to choose the STO path of spiritualizing matter.
The STS choice is, essentially, the default choice of this density. And, by being the choice that is presented as natural by the Controllers of the Matrix, it is generally the easiest. It is the path of least resistance, most especially in terms of giving ourselves up to our emotions or intelligence of the heart, as it is being promoted nowadays. It is also, very often, the obvious choice, or the sensible choice or even the logical choice. This “obviousness” and “sensibleness” and “logicalness” are, of course, based on the rules of the Matrix that dominate our reality.
The STO choices, on the other hand, are far more difficult to see, and thus, more challenging to make and follow. We have already looked at a couple of examples of this in our little exploration of what Christianity may or may not have originally taught, as well as the fact that many individuals lack the ability to comprehend the deeper meaning of systematic harassment as Castaneda explicated it. Thus it seems that one of the symptoms of those who consistently make STS choices, is that they develop a kind of semantic aphasia. They may be able to grasp a certain, limited, literal meaning of a word or a concept, but they are simply unable to think any higher than that. I have observed certain people who certainly had the intellectual capacity to do so, but they didn’t have the drive. This is the result of the fact that as the STS mind is fed, the person becomes less and less able to grasp the deeper meanings of things, the hidden reality that is exemplified by the alchemist Fulcanelli in his exposition on cabala, or the “language of the birds.” At the same time, those who are making the STO choices become more and more able to reach into these higher realms of pure thought.
What seems apparent to me is that this is not just a single choice, it is a daily choice, a moment-by-moment choice and that once an individual wins just one little battle against the mechanical nature of the STS reality and default choices, and moves even momentarily into that STO realm, it strengthens the ability, however incrementally, to make the next STO choice that is presented. And, for the most part, these choices have to do not only with seeing what is, but in choosing how to respond to it: creatively or destructively, with truth or wishful thinking and narcissistic personal opinions.
Thus it is that a person who chooses to understand Castaneda’s term systematic harassment in a materialistic way, as opposed to the deeper perception of the theological reality behind it and the example he gave, has effectively made the choice for the default mode of STS understanding or what is “obvious, sensible and logical,” based on the rules of the Matrix-reality language structure. Such choices of perception, made over and over again, result in a sort of hardening of the categories, or being matterized. The point is that as long as there is life, there is hope, and even if the surface appearance of the events would suggest that I had been victimized by a conscious psychopath in my interactions with Frank, I tend to think that we ought to give a certain amount of the benefit of the doubt, within limitations, to anyone we encounter. There may, indeed, have been some part of him that was truly asking, and I was giving to that part as well as the part that was manipulating.
In a very real sense, the psychic vampire, or the STS feeding machine, is very well described in terms of criminal psychology. The chief traits of the criminal personality are weakness, immaturity, and self-delusion mixed with a strong desire to deceive other people. The weakness is an important factor because it seems to be the root of the inability to “think higher” beyond the Matrix reality. Such thinking requires great effort of a certain kind, and many individuals simply do not want to do it. It’s too much like work. Even people who can do enormous physical work, do not seem to have the ability to understand what work is truly valuable. They may spend days, weeks, months, looking up endless words and permutations in dictionaries, but the ability to push into the deeper reality, that comes from a certain strength of the soul, is simply not in them.
Such individuals have amazing skills at self-justification and rationalization for what they do. They are also masters at appealing to the sympathies and emotional triggers of other people. They also, most definitely, have a well-developed ability to shut off what they do not want to see or admit to. They are generally cowards, but with a twist: their greatest fear is that others will see them as weak, so they create a persona of bombastic strength and power that simply does not exist.
Criminals are also hypersensitive to what is said to them, and will become angry all out of proportion when they perceive that they are being put down, but are also completely insensitive to the feelings of others to whom they may address great cruelty. Of course, when someone can be used by them, they take great pains to pretend sympathy.
In the words of one criminologist, the criminal mind suffers from a series of faulty blocking mechanisms. In other words, in the terms of the Cs and the STS reality: wishful thinking. They are blind and deaf to anything that contradicts their view of themselves and the world. They literally see things differently.
Now, it is obvious that we are all in this condition to one extent or another. And it is this very wishful thinking that keeps us in the Matrix. As strange as it may seem, studying the criminal mind has the same effect on us that the ghosts of Christmas had on Ebenezer Scrooge – it makes us more aware of the reality we ignore.
Vampires that are not fully formed may desperately try to cover up the growing vampire seed within by doing good deeds. This isn’t done consciously, mind you. At this point, the narcissistic view of the self is so powerful that looking in the mirror and seeing the true emptiness of the soul is impossible. Such an event would result in the total meltdown of the entire personality structure, and the subconscious defense mechanisms won’t allow that.
Rather than facing and dealing with the real issues, acknowledgment of the darkness within, acknowledging mistakes and lies and manipulations of others, being truly sorry, and truly asking for help such people desperately seek to eradicate what they subconsciously suspect about themselves in any way they can. The chief method is by doing good deeds through projecting the darkness in their own soul onto someone else.
Of course, that is just the psychological real reason, and not the theological reason. The archetypal forces will use this mode of behavior – will stimulate such thinking – in order to accomplish their own goals. The individual will be persuaded in their own mind that, by following a certain course of action, they can – little by little – eradicate the dreaded shadow that haunts their mind. And of course, the darkness is “out there.” But this then becomes the tool of the head vampire at the top of the food pyramid, to both enhance feeding potentials, as well as to destroy any threat to the status quo.
Vampire lore tells us that holding up a mirror to a literal vampire is a dangerous task. In psychological terms, holding up a mirror to a person in whom the vampire archetype is active is also problematical at best. It is at such a moment that the individual can make one of three choices: denial, growth, or despair. In criminal psychology terms, they have the choice to continue their criminal behavior with the strong likelihood of ultimate destruction; to radically change; or just commit suicide and get it over with. The individual who chooses to not change and grow, to not acknowledge the emptiness of the soul, effectively chooses to become a full vampire. Such a person has no capacity for true human compassion, but they have endless forms that they may take on to pursue the goal of obliterating the threat to their survival as a vampire.
Such a person, faced with such a revelation about themselves are most often completely unable to give up their illusory perfection and celebrity status. They cannot disentangle themselves from the programmed illusion and delusion of the narcissistic self-created in a fake bio and credentials. They must believe that they are the fake self, because in the deepest recesses of their subconscious minds, they feel that they are nothing at all. And in the theological reality, that is what they are making true. By being controlled by this psychological program, they utilize their energy to manifest that archetype.
The Matrix supports such behavior. The illusion, the wishful-thinking reality in which such a person lives, consists of a firm conviction that they are, indeed, of the light – a higher spiritual being – and that they must destroy that which has mirrored back to them the horrible truth of their lies and imperfection – a truth that is backed up by evidence and witnesses. They galvanize all their energy to strike and destroy; to banish the darkness, so that they can live in the everlasting light that is promised them for their “service.”
The pernicious vampire who has had a glimpse of himself and his emptiness, and has projected this emptiness onto another, knows instinctively that he needs to utilize his “other forms” to survive and ultimately destroy the threat to his being. These other forms can consist in what may seem, initially, to be changes in behavior. This manifests, again, in the psychological belief of the individual that by doing good deeds he can vanquish the vampire “out there.” He will do favors for others, believing that this is a good, compensatory deed that will earn him salvation. But in his heart of hearts, he knows that the person he is doing the favor for is someone he has wronged. In fact, he believes that by doing something for someone he has wronged without confessing that wrong, or even acknowledging it, that it is all that much more a good deed.
The pernicious vampire will give time and energy to a group or a cause that he really holds in contempt. He will do things for people he secretly disdains, and he will do it all the more sweetly if he thinks it will strengthen his chances for survival. Such a vampire who has gone deeper under cover will patronize people who he is really, secretly, exploiting. And he will most certainly proclaim that he is a follower of beliefs that he secretly desecrates, and his actions will most ultimately demonstrate that he is not truly an advocate of such ideas in his soul.
In some cases, when the darkness in a single person becomes too great to bear, he or she will project it onto a whole group of human beings. They will then go and seek out a group of neighbors and friends with similar darkness that they want to unload, and they form an agreement about what group they want to project their multiplied lawlessness and iniquity onto. In this way, they don’t have to hide their darkness because they can join together in a public orgy of projection. They believe that if they can destroy whomever they have collectively projected their darkness onto, that they will be collectively purged and will all be fresh and new and perfect together. The only problem is: in such a dynamic, the individual and collective darkness only grows in this miasma of vampiric revelry, and as it grows, they must project more and more to cleanse themselves. What they do not realize is that they are, step by incremental step, killing their own souls. Because by feeding the vampire inside the self, that vampire archetype grows stronger and stronger, and this is a manifestation of the eating of the soul of the infected victim by the hyperdimensional vampires, and thus represents the theological reality.
Of course, as noted already, this is an incremental process.
When a con-artist deliberately deceives someone, he keeps his human feelings separate – compartmentalized. He may be, essentially, two people: a human being to his wife and family and friends, and a criminal to his victims. All psychological studies show that if he continues on such a path long enough, he ultimately becomes less and less human with everyone. Like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, each time the STS behavior or wishful thinking is indulged, each time it is not resisted and overcome, it becomes stronger and stronger. And its ultimate objective is to destroy its victim who, in the throes of his own destruction, reaches out to try to save himself by destroying others.
In the most mundane sense, this manifests in our real world as people who have no manners, who have no class, who have no nobility of soul and who are incapable of recognizing it, nor do they understand that they don’t have it. They then attempt to compensate for their lack by declaring it to be of no value, therefore not having it does not diminish their value within the structure of their wishful thinking. In addition, because it is something not possessed, they must attack it and those who possess it.
Getting back to the matter at hand, Frank tried to obliterate the darkness within by a course of good deeds, or more precisely, by curtailing some of his previously draining activities, including his regular rants about committing suicide. He became more helpful and generous in his words, to me at least. He never did – nor could he, it seems – actually overcome his lethargy long enough to do anything physical for any of the group.
But what is most important at this point is the fact that Frank had most definitely begun the process of projection. And the objects of this projection were varied, but most particularly Terry and Jan and S**, all of whom actually did a lot of work for and with the group.
And me? Well, I was as easy to manipulate as any doting mother of a brilliant, helpless child. Fortunately, as we will soon see, the Cs were not so easy to manipulate.