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The Wave Chapter 48: The Juvenile Dictionary

It is now time for a reality check.

I realize that I have been bringing up the idea of “semantic aphasia” somewhat often in this little recapitulation. There is a reason for this aside from the ordinary interpretation that deals with words and our ability to access realms of pure thought via the expansion of associations. It seems that this is a model for our reality as well. In the same way that we expand our awareness of thought realms by increasing our brain capacity by mosaic word associations, so may we increase our awareness of our “hard reality” by expanding our interpretative associations of events and relationships in our lives.

But is that healthy? Is it normal? Is it not, as some might suggest, pathological?

We know that our website and books are full of some of the most far out material imaginable. We admit it freely. We also admit that we don’t necessarily believe it. For us, it is an experiment, a working hypothesis to be tested and proven or falsified. Much of what we deal with here is in the realm of pure, speculative thought. As I have said again and again, I have never seen a “Lizzie,” nor any other kind of alien except in states of altered awareness such as hypnopompic and hypnagogic sleep states. I have seen our reality in a different way more or less spontaneously when a certain “state” has fallen upon me, but as is usual with me, I always want to consider any number of things as being possibly contributory, including blood sugar levels, brain chemistry, different stresses, and so on.

We also know that there are a lot of critics out there who stop in, read a few paragraphs, shake their head in dismay, and move on. Others, with agendas, stop long enough to write and tell us that if we don’t call on Jesus, we are going straight to Hell, without passing “Go” or collecting 200 bucks. Still others feel moved to write their own websites devoted to nasty or disparaging remarks about us, in particular, rather than producing any material or theories of their own which they can test. We find this to be a curious phenomenon, but one we certainly understand.

A lot of people draw lines in the sand of their minds and establish very early on what kinds of things they will or will not consider. We have done it ourselves. Not too long ago, proposing the idea of aliens as “real” in any sense was so far outside of our own reality that it wasn’t even within hailing distance. So we know how this works. Since we had decided, a priori, that such a thing was impossible, we simply never exerted any effort really looking into it, much less examining it in a systematic way. That door was firmly closed in our minds.

But it’s a curious thing, this Universe we live in. It seems that the doors we close in our minds leave other doors in our lives wide open – and things come through those doors that are not altogether friendly. Just as a particular definition or association of a word may be unknown to an individual, leaving a sort of blank spot in their mind – a point of ignorance which may one day cause them embarrassment if they are challenged in a situation where that particular definition is the right one – so it seems that such blank spots in our awareness of the possible associations of events in our reality leave us open to their effects on us without any ability to define or understand the real meaning.

I wrote Amazing Grace for the explicit purpose of describing my life during the many years when my definitions and associations of reality were strictly circumscribed by the “dictionary of life” I was using. When things happened in my life, they were ever and always interpreted by this “dictionary” written by Christianity, and the linear, uniformitarian view of the world. If the interpretation didn’t quite fit the event, the event was either distorted in my mind, parts of it covered up, shoved under the rug, or I just ignored it. I didn’t realize that whoever writes the dictionaries that we use to understand the events of our lives have written them with only one or two basic definitions, and have left out a whole host of associations or other definitions that more fully explain the word/event. In a sense, the dictionary we use to define our lives is like a children’s dictionary where the simplest and most juvenile definition is given. This leads us to interpret our lives and the world around us in a cosmically juvenile way. Even great scholars and “experts” of all kinds continue to use the juvenile version of the cosmic dictionary when it comes to defining and interpreting the facts of their lives and the “real world.”

When the average person puts on their power clothes and goes to the workplace, or puts on their Jerry Garcia tee shirt to settle down with a brewski for the big game, intimations of mortality or immortality are not allowed to intrude. Sure, everyone has a little “strange story” to tell maybe once in their life, maybe even an ghostly encounter, and it is always whispered in hushed or embarrassed tones if it is mentioned at all. The very idea that there are layers, or depth and breadth to our reality that may not be part of the dictionary we have been brought up to use is strictly hidden. Everyone has agreed to use the “juvenile dictionary,” and anybody who proposes to use one with more definitions, more semiotic content, is attacked.


Well, because our basic reality is defined by a juvenile dictionary, of course! That means that juvenile reactions are part of the “right” definitions. People who evaluate life based on this juvenile dictionary tend to feel overwhelmed by more semiotic content. It is too much for their brains, too much to think about, too much to handle, and they begin to feel oppressed by their awareness that there may, indeed, be more to the world than they supposed. This awareness of so much unknown territory makes the person who has circumscribed their reality into comfortable zones of what is or is not right and acceptable, feel a terrifying sense of vertigo, and they want, at all costs, to close that door of awareness. So, since they can’t destroy the universe that is, they seek to get their revenge against the symbolic target of awareness – the individual who has pointed out that there are other definitions and other dictionaries.

Most of ordinary humanity – the vast majority of people – use the juvenile dictionary. They have adopted, internalized, and made real this narrow view of the world, and woe to anyone who points out that there are other languages, there are other definitions, and there is a wider semiotic content plane. But what is important is that no one is born to be forever stuck in a circumscribed semiotic content plane. They are first taught, and then they actively choose to select what definitions of their experiences they will accept and which ones they will edit out.

Gurdjieff was right: People get out of life what they put into it.

Charles Fort, an obsessive collector of anomalous events, once remarked that the only conclusions he could draw from all his research, was that earth was owned by some beings who we could neither see nor comprehend. He said: “I think we’re property.”

Barbara Marciniak’s Pleiadians say, in Bringers of the Dawn:

During Earth’s early history, there were wars in space for ownership of this planet … Skirmishes took place, and Earth became a place of duality … When this skirmish occurred, a certain group of entities fought in space and won the territory of Earth. These new owners did not want the native Earth species – the humans – to be informed of what took place. Uninformed, the species would be easier to control. This is why light is information and darkness is lack of information …

These new owners who came here 300,000 years ago are the magnificent beings spoken of in your Bible, in the Babylonian and Sumerian tablets, and in texts all over the world … Who were these gods from ancient times? They were beings who were able to move reality and to command the spirits of nature to bend to their will … The creator gods who have been ruling this planet have the ability to become physical, though mostly they exist in other dimensions. They keep Earth in a certain vibrational frequency while they create emotional trauma to nourish themselves … In order to have you believe they were Gods with a big G, they rearranged you genetically … They can do many kinds of manipulations and work with realities in many different ways … Some of these creator gods married and merged their line … The creator gods would mix one kind with another to see what they could create. Remember, they understood genetics, and all things were created by manifesting and using the life force and understanding how the life force works …

Who are these beings … the Dark T-shirts? Be kind when you speak of the forces of darkness. Do not speak as if they are bad. Simply understand that they are uninformed, and they create systems that are uninformed because that is how they believe they must operate. They fought at one time and separated themselves from knowledge, so now they desperately hold onto their existing knowledge and onto life as they have evolved it into being. It is life based on fear, life that does not honor other life, life that uses other life. Who are these beings? They are the reptiles. These space beings are part human and part reptilian. We call them Lizzies because we like to make things a little less emotional and a little humorous so that you don’t take them so seriously and get so upset. (Marciniak, 1992)

The Cassiopaean perspective is slightly different from the Pleiadian perspective, even if there are many terms and concepts that are similar, if not identical. But what I notice particularly in retrospect is the development of the ideas of Quantum Metamorphosis, cyclical time, and other concepts that originated in my mind (from where?) back in 1985 and 1986. As it happens, these are ideas on the cutting edge of physics research. Unfortunately, what physicists think about and develop theoretically is often unavailable to the public for up to 50 years, if at all, so it is not difficult to understand why the material from the Cs is not comprehensible to users of the juvenile dictionary.

One correspondent wrote his objections to the alien reality in the following terms:

Have you ever considered how difficult it would be for an alien species to land here on earth? It is bad enough just traveling from the United States to a place like Bali. The immune system is under a constant attack unless one gets the proper shots and these usually don’t help. The immune system of any alien would be under attack almost immediately.

Now, from reading the above, we might have the idea that the writer is averse to spiritual realities. But, not at all! He is, however, trying to grasp spiritual realities in juvenile-dictionary terms. He writes further:

Consider this: How about the idea that it is impossible for a human or any organism to be far removed from its home planet for very long. The organism and the planet are in a symbiotic relationship with each other. When there is a separation they die. It is all a Disneyland show out there to make sure that you are not looking in the right place. That’s why the UFO’s show up where people can see them. This is not to say that all UFO’s are fake. Many are light bodies, the bodies of the luminous ones. One does not need a tin can to get around in time/space.

I certainly would have agreed with him at a certain point in time. As I gradually added more entries to my dictionary, my view expanded into what is called the paranormal. I was open minded enough to talk about ghosts and odd experiences, to study them, to consider them as part of the expanding content plane of the realms of thought I could inhabit. But that’s where I drew the line. “Realms of Thought.” That’s far enough, don’t go one step further; I have drawn the line here, and alien realities as real realities with some sort of concrete features, are on the other side of that line! We don’t need them for a good definition. We have enough with our ideas of observer created reality.

Such a view is the result of the millennia-old program that attempts to sharply divide matter from spirit, and denies any possibility of spiritualized matter, or para-physical realities, such as the alien reality undoubtedly presents. And, in this sense, traveling from distant star systems, aided by technology that is hardly distinguishable from magic to our human understanding, as well as existing in hyperdimensional space becomes not only possible, but altogether likely. Astronomer and UFO researcher Morris Jessup wrote about this problem in the following quotation:

Flying Saucers are not new! For thousands of years men have seen mysterious objects in the skies …

Probably the oldest, and almost surely the most prolific of sources bearing on wingless flight, are the records of the Indian and Tibetan monasteries. These in themselves are almost conclusive. Records of 15,000 years ago imply wingless flight at least 70,000 years prior to that. Add this to the recorded visit of a space fleet to the court of Thutmose III, approximately 1500 BC, and we are close to paralleling the sightings of today.

In many ways, the most intriguing data of all comes from the skeptical astronomers. Their observations do tend to be quantitative, timed, and documented. The astronomical data is more than merely qualitative. In other words, the astronomers themselves, being conscientious data hounds, were not content with merely seeing things move in space. Although unaware of the true nature of what they saw, they recorded as much as time and equipment would permit, and, as a result, they have enabled us to locate the habitat of the UFO’s.

It may be difficult to see the significance of antiquity in the consideration of space flight or space inhabitance. But failure to consider the sprawling background of the UFO problem is the greatest single factor in the appalling chaos which engulfs this enigma.

Take but one small item: the little piece of meteoric iron which was found deep within a tertiary coal bed. The locale and the finding are authentic. The shape is purely artificial. It is but an inch or so square, practically a cube. Four sides are squarely faced, and the other two are convexly shaped, with complete symmetry. Around the four surfaced sides runs a groove, geometrically contrived. Here are three established facts:

1. Placement in an incipient coal bed some 300,000 years ago.

2. Made of meteoric iron, identifiable by structure and chemical content.

3. Clearly shaped by artificial means.

The number of explanations as to how it got into that coal bed may be few or several, but there is one underlying fact which cannot be scoffed into oblivion: This piece of natural steel was shaped by an intelligent instrumentation at least 300,000 years ago!

We can go on, but somebody has to make a choice, or deny and ignore the entire factual substratum. Science has ignored it. The choice is most galling to face: Was this gadget, created as it was by intelligence, placed there by man indigenous to earth, or was it dropped from space by a space traveler?

You choose to say: placed by Man? Then there was a race of men here 300,000 years ago who knew enough to shape steel, and, by inference, make machinery. If they could do that, they most likely had locomotion of some sort, and there is no good reason to deny that they could have found space flight either by research or accident. At worst there was time to develop a civilization of any pre-assigned refinement. Science doesn’t like that. Alternative to that horn of the dilemma, we must contemplate space flight of 300,000 years ago, capable of bringing this little machine part to the earth, or of bringing civilization itself and planting it here within that type of animal life judged most likely and suitable to perpetuate and develop mental capacity. It is indeed a nasty choice for inhibited minds. …

Throughout the series of modern (after Arnold) sightings of UFO’s, there is a thread of frequent references to “Mother Ships” and huge superconstructions. The vast thing chased by Mantell and the ten-mile-long thing over Kansas are examples. There can no longer be serious doubts of their existence. It seems probable that these constructions are the domiciles of the smaller-fry discs, spheres, balls of light, etc., which are so frequently seen in proximity to the earth’s surface and to our planes, rockets, airfields and cities.

It is my belief that these constructions are few in number, not many (there is some possibility, in fact, that there may be only two of them) and that they do not come from distant planets such as Venus, Mars, Jupiter or the vastly more distant stars. It is my belief that they are usually globular, sometimes spindle-like, and that they are an indigenous part of the earth-moon binary-planet system. I make this statement on the basis of hundreds of astronomical observations in which the rough determinations of parallax can be made. Parallax shows these objects to be somewhere between a few hundred miles away and a maximum of something less than the distance of the moon. …

There seems to be something of periodicity in events of celestial and spatial origin. This has been called to our attention by John Philip Bessor in the Saturday Evening Post as early as May, 1949; but no one has thus far been able to catalogue and classify enough of this data to determine for certain whether such cycles exist, much less their time period or cause. It is not particularly astonishing that these phenomena should be cyclic, for practically everything astronomical is periodic. If periodicity could be firmly established for these phenomena, that fact alone would be proof of their reality and integration with the organic world about us.

We can conclude that the UFO’s are permanent because they have been here for many centuries. That we have so suddenly become aware of them may be due in part to an increased activity, but it is more likely the result of our own slow awakening from intellectual immaturity. Exhaustive research has disclosed records of sightings covering thousands of years, and occasionally actual visits and contacts with our race. More of these incidents are coming to light constantly as research is pursued with UFO’s in mind. Now that we are aware of UFO’s and know what to look for, the uncorrelated data of our predecessors takes on a meaning hitherto lacking and becomes significant. It is now up to us to discover and analyze all the data, and to correlate it with current observations.

It is no longer necessary to explain them as visitors from Mars, Venus, or Alpha Centauri. They are a part of our own immediate family – a part of the earth-moon, binary-planet system. They didn’t have to come all of those millions of miles from anywhere. They have been here for thousands of years. Whether we belong to them by possession, like cattle, or whether we belong to each other by common origin and association is an interesting problem, and one which may soon be settled if we keep our heads.

In final summary, the UFOs have been around us for a long time and probably are a connecting link with the first wave of terrestrial civilization. The UFO’s spend most of their time at the neutral points in space. …

No other set of conclusions will serve as a common denominator for all observable facts. (Jessup, 1955, emphases added)

We further discuss Jessup and the relation of gravitation to psi and hyperdimensional realities in Chapter Four of Secret History. These ideas have been adopted by many “alternative science” writers who have related them to buildings, energy fields, light beings, earth grids and all that, and it does, indeed, seem that there may be locations on the planet where one can tap a certain energy with greater or lesser ease. But the phenomenon that these ideas speaks to more directly is that of hyperdimensional realities wherein mental energies or consciousness energies are amplified, and can be interactive with the environment in terms of specific technology. This suggests not only power for transport that is partly physical, partly ethereal, but communication that is also partly physical and partly ethereal, as well as powers of manifestation that might seem impossible to us in our present state of technology. All of these properties do belong to hyperdimensional existence, and such a state of being has been being reported for millennia as being the realm of the gods, including dragons, serpents, and critters of all sorts.

Some casual readers have the idea that the Lizzies originated with Barbara Marciniak. Well, perhaps the humorous term did – and we like it – but it is only ignorance that would suppose that these concepts only go back as far as, say, Star Trek, or other mass-media forms of promulgation. It has even been conjectured that all of the Cs material is made up out of my head based on movies and TV shows that may have influenced me. Well, it is a certainty that no one can escape the influences to which they are exposed, but since I never liked or read science fiction, and most certainly have never watched more than one or two partial episodes of Star Trek (and then only when forced to! Apologies to the Trekkies!), such an influence is not very likely. But then, perhaps individuals who would suggest such have never heard of that most interesting invention of paper and ink and glue called a “book.”

Recently, I tried to remember exactly when I first encountered the idea of Reptilian beings as actual, hyperdimensional entities whose technology was so advanced it seemed to human beings not much different from magic, as Arthur C. Clarke suggested.

My copy of Bringers of the Dawn is so full of challenges to what is being said there, jotted in the margins with exclamations, that it is a certainty that I didn’t take it all that seriously. In actuality, I thought that a whole lot of it was nonsense. At the present time, I have the idea that it wasn’t the Cs who liked Marciniak so much as it was Frank.

Nevertheless, the idea of hyperdimensional reptilian beings, even if I think that they are not represented completely accurately by the so-called Pleiadians, certainly fell into place with a bang when one considers physics, history, myth and archaeology.

I described it in my autobiography Amazing Grace:

I was, I admit, a flaming skeptic about aliens. I had spent so much time poking around in people’s heads in therapeutic ways, that, with only a cursory examination of the issue, I’d decided that sightings and claims of abductions were strikingly similar to past life dramas. After reading Whitley Strieber’s Gothic book Communion and Ruth Montgomery’s patently ridiculous Aliens Among Us, I refused to give any serious consideration to the subject. The stories were so crazy I simply could not consider them to be real in any context other than as useful metaphors. …

In short, stories of aliens and abductions seemed an archetypal drama of the subconscious mind. I called it the Millennial Disease, and saw it as a form of mass hysteria. I attributed the physical scars and traces of abduction to stigmata-like effects, or poltergeist type events. Clearly, there was very little about UFOs and aliens that couldn’t be explained by these theories.

It wasn’t until I actually began to study some of the literature about abductions in early 1993 that I even considered the issue with any seriousness. Even then, I decided that there were a lot of better answers for the reported phenomena than “aliens among us.”

There were people claiming we had been being visited by aliens since archaic times. There were others who claimed we had been visited a few times, but they were gone now, nothing to worry about! Another group claimed that we had “let them in” by setting off the atomic bomb; they were here to make sure we didn’t blow ourselves up along with the rest of the universe. Some claimed they were good guys who were just a little weird because they had followed a different path of evolution, or were further along than we were. Others claimed they were demons from Hell and we had better get ourselves back to church if we expected to survive the invasion.

Sheesh! The only thing certain was that people were seeing and experiencing something singularly strange. Secret government projects? Secret alien-in-cahoots-with-the-government? By the time I finished I was sure of one thing and one thing only: there was a lot of smoke!

But smoke obscures the source of the fire. Underneath, there might only be a smoldering mess. I wasn’t sure if this was a manipulation by the government to make people think aliens existed, or if aliens did exist and were trying to make the government look guilty.

What a morass of confusion!

It was, of course, as a result of that strangest of hypnosis sessions reported by Tom French in his article in the Times (“The Exorcist in Love”), followed by my own sighting, that I began to consider the possibility that the alien solution was the better fit by Occam’s Razor. In Amazing Grace, I speculated on this problem:

If we conjecture that this “alien phenomenon” is part of some deep government conspiracy designed to experiment on people – perhaps to make them think that they are being abducted by aliens so that they will assiduously seek greater controls and protection from “Big Brother” – we have a curious problem with this case. The problem becomes: how could such a hypothesized group engineer the response to this session that did, in fact, manifest?

I was very careful not to mention the word “alien” or “abduction” to the woman on the phone prior to the session. If phone conversations are being monitored, how did this one get selected for special attention? Such monitoring, even for key words that would trigger a need for personal attention, suggests a conspiracy of such vast and complex proportions that the logistics of it stagger the mind.

Well, suppose it is a government conspiracy. Suppose that they do have such monitoring capabilities, that they are monitoring my phone, the woman’s phone, or the phones of everybody by computer. As a result, suppose they knew I was going to hypnotize her and sent out a flotilla of stealth-type aircraft to beam some wave at her (or something like that) which would prevent her from talking to me.

Why would they go to all that trouble? [Are they really going to send several multimillion-dollar aircraft to scare the bejeebies out of a housewife/part-time hypnotherapist in Florida?]

It seems to me that it would be easier to just send one of those nice white panel trucks we see in the movies to park a block away from my house for their wave-beaming activities.

Well, okay; maybe they just thought it was a handy time to create a UFO flap at that moment for general purposes: to get everyone all excited, to reinforce the alien phenomenon scenario they are creating.

We are still looking at logistics that stagger the mind.

The next question we have to ask is this: since this woman appeared in my life at precisely the moment I had been familiarized with the phenomenon sufficiently to recognize the symptoms, how do we deal with that synchronicity? If it is a government conspiracy that was aiming at taking me in by gradual degrees, by creating a series of events in my life that would lead me to give up my rational explanations of the phenomenon, what kind of surveillance and management does that suggest?

Again, it boggles the mind.

Thinking these thoughts produced a strange feeling in me of being watched in ways hard to describe. It was so strange a synchronicity that I couldn’t help but think that the appearance of these craft related to our activities. I tried to sweep this thought under the rug, but it kept coming back.

Nevertheless, I had read so many cases by now of strange events similar to my own that were attributed to aliens. And that was the problem. Who or what were they? Were they literally visitors from deep space? Or were they the perceptions of victims of some vast government mind-control experiment? Most terrifying of all: were they demons?

I detected the signature of a malevolent intelligence working in my life and my experiences in an effort to either destroy or divert me from something. If these evil beings had the power to interfere in my life with malicious intent, even when I was deeply involved with prayer and meditation – which one would suppose should act as a defense – what protection did anyone have? Were we, the human race, defenseless against these creatures?

The words of Gurdjieff came back to haunt me. Were the belief systems of metaphysics and religion useless drivel promulgated by an Evil Magician to convince people they were Lions, Men, Eagles or Magicians instead of sleeping sheep?

What kind of madhouse had I opened my eyes to see? Was the fact that I had seen it the very source of its existence? Was I, by noticing evil, more vulnerable to attack? Surely not: the evidence of the presence of evil threaded its way through the lives of others who denied all the clues. I saw clearly the mechanical or accidental nature of the Universe that Gurdjieff talked about. But now I realized that our own programmed refusal to see reality, our ignorance, was the chief door in our lives through which Evil entered.

Was it possible, as Gurdjieff suggested, to become free of this? To awaken? To see the projector behind the slide show of our lives? And, more important, to see who was running the projector and why?

To consider the idea of malevolent beings in control of our world that could prey on us at will, behind our ordinary reality, was utterly soul shattering.

I began to see the possibility of an interpenetrating reality of more or less physical solidity that interacted with humans as we may interact with wildlife in a forest: the hunters and the hunted. …

Well, in thinking about it deeply, it does appear that these beings – whatever they turn out to be – can plunder our world, our lives and our very minds at will. But I also have observed that they seem to be going to an awful lot of trouble to conceal their activities and to confuse observers with hundreds of crazy stories of different races and groups of semi-mythological good guys and bad guys.

Many people who think they are psychic, have prophetic dreams or visions, channel “space brothers,” or who are contacted by beings who are here to “help” us or to “save us” if only we will let them, or have other psychic experiences are, in fact, being regularly visited by aliens who literally program these ideas into their minds. These stories are spread around, increasing the level of confusion. But the greatest deception of all is the idea that negative forces do not exist. And even if negative forces did exist, there’s no need to worry. If we just think nice thoughts, meditate regularly, and repeat our affirmations, nothing icky will ever enter our reality.

We are not dealing with materialistic, earth-based technology here! For God’s sake, these guys walk through walls, float people out of their bodies and control minds – the abilities we have historically attributed to angels or demons or vampires.

In the past, we dealt with ghosts and gods and demons. We are dealing with the same entities now, only we are calling them aliens. They probably always were aliens! And maybe they want to be gods again.

It was a stunning and grotesque prospect for me to consider that humanity, as a whole, has been used and cunningly deceived for millennia beyond my wildest imaginings. I realized that the UFO and alien business was truly nothing new. We have historical records of these phenomena stretching back thousands of years. If these beings could get what they want simply by moving in and taking it, would they spend so much time creating terror and confusion? Alternatively, perhaps the terror and confusion is exactly what they want to generate because they feed on it. But that makes me also wonder why they are going to so much trouble to persuade us to accept their total control if they could take it at will? These guys would not be spending so much time terrorizing us and trying to sneak in the back door if it were possible for them to walk in directly. There is something we have that they want. There is some power we have that they don’t want us to discover.

The act of facing the pattern of activity behind the events of my own life that bespoke such a hidden reality was absolutely soul searing and mind numbing. You could even say that, of all people who never wanted to know anything at all about UFOs and aliens, I deserve a place at the head of the line. Yet, there it was.

Standing back from my life in overview, there were the hints of some sort of pattern maker, and it wasn’t God in any sense that I had ever conceived of Him. Yes, I could see both positive actions and negative actions; a dynamic interplay of forces that related in some direct way to my own thinking, seeking, and growth. But exactly what it was, and precisely how it operated, I couldn’t tell yet. It was like a shadow show where the shadows are produced by certain angles of light behind objects which, when finally revealed, may bear no resemblance whatsoever to the form of the shadow. A balled-up fist could as easily be interpreted as a bird or a dog, or – when expanded to its full shape – a hand. Just what was I seeing? What’s more, why did it seem that I was being challenged to see it? Why me? I think this question is echoed by thousands, if not millions of others who have had similar experiences.

In the earliest days of my investigation into the phenomena, the enormity of the problem began to overwhelm me. From what I could determine, many, many thousands of people – a cross section of humanity – were coming forward and saying that they had experienced contact with aliens from other worlds. The general response that they get from others, including professionals who are supposed to be providing help and support, is ridicule. In reviewing the cases available to me, I noted that the typical victim was almost frantically worried about a loss of time, and some vague memory of being restrained or trapped. The person becomes almost hyperactive in their irritability, suffers from loss of concentration and short-term memory. An abductee is generally hypersensitive to loud noises, claims to hear things no one else can hear, and to see things no one else can see, including getting feelings about others that are impossible to explain or quantify in any way. No matter what the explanation for their experiences, these people needed to be taken seriously; they needed to be validated; and most of all they needed a support system.

Basically, when considering abductions, there are three choices:

1. They’re a hoax, no abduction occurs and all these people are making it up.

2. Abductions really happen, performed by persons or beings unknown.

3. No abductions happen, but all these abductees believe they do for unknown psychological reasons.

I very early gave up the idea that abduction stories were concocted for fame and glory. For most, the event was one of great shame and they most certainly didn’t want anybody to know about it. That they were so desperate for help that they overcame tremendous reluctance indicates how severely they were traumatized.

The question of the sanity of people claiming to have been abducted was answered in the negative as far as I could see. If millions of people believed that a guy, 2000 years ago, died on a cross and arose three days later, and were considered sane, then people claiming abductions, with far more direct experience and evidence, were undoubtedly sane also.

Sure, it was fine and dandy for Bob Lazar to say that he worked on alien craft at Area 51 and that endless reports of the phenomenon existed from thousands of years ago; but were the lights in the skies and the stories of fairy abductions the same phenomena that happened here and now in our world? The claims of coverup and conspiracy had a certain appeal. I really got the creeps thinking about alien critters with bug eyes and B.O. No wonder so many people flee in terror to the safety of the government-conspiracy idea. It’s a lot more comforting to think that the man behind the curtain is a man, after all, and not a hyperdimensional being who is not only physical, but can manipulate space and time at will. As Morris Jessup said so eloquently:

We can conclude that the UFO’s are permanent because they have been here for many centuries. That we have so suddenly become aware of them may be due in part to an increased activity, but it is more likely the result of our own slow awakening from intellectual immaturity. Exhaustive research has disclosed records of sightings covering thousands of years, and occasionally actual visits and contacts with our race. More of these incidents are coming to light constantly as research is pursued with UFO’s in mind. Now that we are aware of UFO’s and know what to look for, the uncorrelated data of our predecessors takes on a meaning hitherto lacking and becomes significant. It is now up to us to discover and analyze all the data, and to correlate it with current observations.

One anonymous writer claimed that until he had hard evidence that it was not the CIA or some maverick secret government experimenting on human beings, he would continue to deny that it could be aliens. This person wrote:

Until someone kills a real alien and lays its cadaver on my doorstep, I will continue to believe ‘Grey Aliens’ are USAF or CIA personnel dressed up in funny costumes. I will continue to believe that our comrades are being abducted and murdered by government agencies [and] that telepathic contact experiments are being conducted by the same government agencies. If aliens are not humans in costumes, they are at least darklings built by human DNA tinkerers in some of those secret underground laboratories.

I have a great deal of trouble accepting the story that aliens have been conducting genetic experiments on humankind for 10,000 years. That would suggest that we are really little more than their livestock, they actually ‘own’ us, just as we believe we ‘own’ beasts of the field and fish of the seas and birds of the air. It also suggests they have an extremely long attention span unless they are moving through time and aren’t really ‘going anywhere!’

We tag sea turtles in the North Atlantic and track them by satellite to see which way they go. We tag birds and fish and elephants to follow their migrations. Are we supposed to believe creatures from Zeta Reticuli are doing the same to humans?

Friends! Why would beings who can travel sixty-six zillion light years through space and time in any direction at any time, want to concern themselves with something as stupid and boring as tagging and following the migration and sexual behavior of humans (who would be the equivalent of primeval slugs to them)? What is the point?

To capture, examine, impregnate and tag human females to carry their crossbred children? If they are as wonderful and advanced as some say, they should be able to grow their children in canning jars on their own planet!

To cultivate us as food? If they are twenty billion years more advanced than we, why haven’t they figured out how to grow synthetic protein in culture dishes in their own labs on their own planet in their own star cluster?

If we are nothing more than experiments of an advanced race of beings, no more than bacteria on a cosmic glass slide, that means there is no God, no law, no rules, no leaders, no followers. … There should be no trials or punishment for “crimes” because the concept of crime and punishment would be null and void if we belong to funny-looking grey creatures from Zeta Reticuli.

If we have no more rights than a common housefly, then we’ll have to do away with ownership of property as well. If we believe that, we’ll have to do away with governments and public minions, dismantle the military and let anarchy reign supreme, laying about until one of the owners comes round to lop off an arm or leg for dinner or grind us into sausage and stir us up in a big vat somewhere in Nevada, USA.

But wait! Why would creatures who can jump from Earth to Zeta Reticuli in a heartbeat keep their food supply in Nevada? Why don’t they take it with them? If you were able to jump from one town to another or one state to another by thinking it, and you wanted to paint a house in say, Texas, would you keep the paint bucket in New York and jump back and forth every time you had to load the brush just because you could jump back and forth? If you could jump to the grocery store, would you jump forty times to buy forty items or would you get everything in one jump so you wouldn’t have to bother?

People! That’s why we have refrigerators and pantries! So we don’t have to get in the car (flying saucer) and drive to the store (Nevada) every day! I can’t believe we’re more intelligent than our grey owners! They must be humiliated.

But if all this nonsense is being orchestrated by an agency of Earthlings who wants you to believe in UFOs and funny-looking grey aliens, then it all makes sense, doesn’t it? Humans are being abducted for medical experiments. Humans are being contacted telepathically to sort out the ESPers. Human females are carrying the seeds of a future race of cosmonauts. They may be producing embryos which are sent into space aboard the shuttle to see if they live or die in a weightless environment, the evidence of which will be applied to the technology of future manned excursions to the planets of this solar system and beyond.

The above is, in a nutshell, the view of the hard-shell skeptics. Putting aside the hyperbole and evangelistic style of writing, the guy has a point. But only for those using the juvenile dictionary.

Such an argument sounds pretty reasonable at first glance. It was only when I thought about it a bit longer that I realized the chief problem with such an idea. If the government is behind all the abductions, surely they would have screwed up at least once in 45 years and we would know that fallible human beings were doing it! The fact that not one single incident, not one single abduction, not one single purported kidnapping event has ever resulted in a screw-up that led to anyone seeing the man behind the curtain, not one, should give us pause to think.

This guy expects me to believe that the U.S. government can pull off an enterprise of this kind, with evidence of worldwide activity, for thousands of years, involving millions of individuals, the logistics of which make the machinations of WWII look like the planning for a picnic? I’m sorry. I can’t buy that. And so, even though he has many points about the phenomenon that beg for explanation, I think that we have to look for a hypothesis that explains and predicts the phenomenon better than what he has suggested. And part of that hypothesis may be that the ideas he is proposing are deliberately planted in the mind of the public for the very purpose of hiding a dreadful and sinister secret.

We can also see that, even if the government is not involved, then public officials would be most interested in maintaining the coverup. As the guy pointed out: to admit certain possibilities could lead to worldwide chaos and anarchy. If we are, as Charles Fort said, “property,” if we belong to some race of advanced beings who use us for food and resources, then there is no point to anything we believe in at all. It is all a lie, a sham, a grand illusion, an enormous cosmic fraud. Who can live with that thought?

All over the world, from time immemorial, gods have been represented with scales. Most analysts have interpreted this to be a symbolic representation of the powers of the gods, or the wisdom of the serpent. But why a serpent would acquire any kind of cachet as wise simply does not compute in any way, shape or form. How do we explain the ubiquitous presence of a serpent race on earth? Perhaps it is because at one time, or at various times, and even still, they are present in our realm, but as hyperdimensional beings – the secret Control System that owns Earth.

And if the reader thinks I like such an idea, that I spend ten or more hours a day researching and writing about it because I watched a few episodes of Star Trek, or Barbara Marciniak’s work just tickled me pink, think again! Our work is devoted to bringing many, many thousands of hours of research and experience to the reader. And for those who wish to speculate wildly upon whether or not any of the ideas are derived from here or there, it might be useful to actually read our material. Then the questions might be answered.


A little Learning is a dang’rous Thing;

Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian Spring:

There shallow Draughts intoxicate the Brain,

And drinking largely sobers us again.

—Alexander Pope


Getting back to our narrative, the reader may want to remember that there were several things going on during the summer of 1997, including the necessary work to get all the details of the Xth Max Born Symposium hammered out. The Conference was scheduled for September 24th through the 27th, and Ark already had his date to return to the States scheduled for October 12th. Things had been timed so that he would be able to obtain his return visa – but that depended on him being in Poland long enough in advance to get the paper work done. The divorce hearing was supposed to be held on July 22nd. All the while Ark was working. Threaded throughout all of this was the fact that we were puzzling our way through the transcripts, searching for clues.

Back in the States, I was dealing with the daily issues of house, children, and the ongoing struggles with my health – trying to achieve some sort of stability after all the massive changes of the previous year. The children were struggling to stabilize also. My eldest daughter was being caught up in a fast crowd and was spending all her money for appearances. She was not taking the responsibility of being behind the wheel of a car as seriously as she ought, and I could not figure out what had happened to my serious, responsible child. She was involved in a small accident. She gave me one version of it, and the policeman who took the report gave an altogether different version based on witness testimony. I advised her that if she was going to drive that thing like a 747 that she ought to increase her insurance coverage. She said she would.

Daughter number two had recovered from her depression and was now enthralled with inline skating – to such an extent that her health was suffering from the endless hours she practiced. What was worse was the crowd of kids she was meeting while skating. My son was determined to break every bone in his body on a skateboard. There was a group of Christian Fundamentalists who were always stalking about where the kids were skating, handing out tracts about hellfire and damnation, scaring the kids so they would go to church and get saved, and this concerned me a great deal. This activity ultimately led to a terrible tragedy when my son’s best friend was induced to go to a revival by this group, and was in a terrible automobile accident, leaving him permanently crippled and brain-damaged. So, there were Pied Pipers everywhere, and I was trying to find some reasonable activity for the children that would engage them and keep them safe.

I was also trying to get caught up on all the transcribing. I still had a big box stacked with tapes from past sessions that had not been transcribed, and I struggled against the partial paralysis of my hands to get them transcribed so that Ark could read all of them. In this project, I received some assistance from Jan, but no help from Frank at all. It was a protracted and painful struggle, but eventually it was finished.

Even though I have decided not to include the massive numbers of emails we exchanged during this period in the narrative, there really is no way to understand the dynamics and flow of energy behind the scenes without them, so I have assembled a selection into a separate file, chronologically, for those who are patient enough to wade through that sort of thing, and who may be interested in discovering exactly what we were discussing at the precise time of the disaster. Many of the clues to the great mysteries on the planet were discussed in these exchanges, and there were a number of dreams that were significant, and later mentioned in the transcripts without being fully explained, as they are in the emails. My guess is that we were getting too close to some things to allow this exchange to continue. These emails also chronicle the beginning of the Cs website.

The main purpose of publishing this correspondence is both as a sort of map of the areas we were investigating and our thinking about them at the time of the flood in Poland – which I have the idea is sort of synchronous – and as a historical document as to what ideas were discovered at what point in time and how. It also provides some sort of idea of what was going on in our lives, which is part of the process of realizing the Matrix by experiencing it. One of the things I was learning was that anybody in our lives, our children, partners, friends, could and would be used to bring pressure to bear – to whatever level they do not realize that they can be controlled and manipulated and used as an agent of the matrix. This is a tough problem to deal with because, very often, we are very much involved with people who are not yet ready to even consider the idea much less begin the process of observing their own mind to watch for signs of manipulation. And it is particularly difficult when we deal with our children. It’s almost fatal if it is our mates or partners – because, in the Biblical sense, we are “one” with that person, and their karma sort of becomes ours.

That the flood in Poland was, most assuredly, a disaster, is without question; it was a flood of sufficient significance that it threw all our plans into confusion. Apparently, it had begun to rain in Poland early in July, and continued to rain daily until the rivers swelled to overflow, and the water was everywhere. The Polish authorities called it the Flood of the Millennium. There had not been such an event in a thousand years. It was a national disaster. The strangest thing about it was the fact that almost nothing was published about it in the U.S. Roads were washed out, railroads and communication lines were cut off. Food and water supplies weren’t getting through. There was loss of life, and significant loss of property. Ark was in Florence, and couldn’t find out what was going on – if his family was safe or not – for several days.

Obviously, under such conditions it was unsafe to travel, not to mention the fact government buildings were reported to be flooded, documents and files were floating in the streets, and there would certainly be no divorce hearing. It was even possible that he would not be able to obtain his Visa in time. Everything was turning into a disaster.

When all of this began to manifest, I called Frank for an emergency session. In this session we were given several huge clues to exactly how the Matrix illusion was maintained in our reality, as well as some hints that our mission was significant, though again, nothing specific was mentioned.

July 19, 1997

Q: As you know, there is a flood in Poland, and Ark has to go back. There is so much that must be done, but the government offices may be closed, the court session may be delayed indefinitely, God knows what is going to happen. What is the source of this dreadful disaster in Poland?

A: Sopophoric screen alterations of the magnetic belt overlay.

Q: And what is causing these screen alterations of the magnetic belt overlay?

A: Influences of Acquiim.

Q: What is Acquiim?

A: 4th density overseer.

Q: Does that mean sopophoric screen alteration?

A: Soporific/phosphorous.

Q: What is the purpose of this screen alteration?

A: Deterrence of collinear wave reading consciousness units.

Q: What is a “collinear wave reading consciousness unit?”

A: Suggest you “look in the mirror.”

Q: Well! I don’t know if I like being a collinear wave-reading consciousness unit!

A: Why not?

Q: Because I don’t like feeling responsible for all these people who are suffering in this disaster!

A: Responsible? Are you altering the weather?

Q: Well, no. But, if they will go to that extent to thwart us, is it safe for him to go back?

A: If he takes precautions.

Q: Can you suggest some of these precautions?

A: Drive not. Travel by rail only if such travel does not include the possibility of having to evacuate the train and walk on or near live electrical current conduits.

Q: Anything else?

A: Guns do exist in Poland, unlike some other European countries.

Q: What more?

A: Total awareness at all moments is hypercritical.

Q: Are the members of his family all right?

A: So far.

Q: How long will it take before this flood business has come to a halt?

A: Open.

Q: Are all the government offices going to be closed?

A: No.

Q: Will the divorce hearing proceed?

A: Eventually.

Q: How many days will we be out of communication?

A: Not point. Just remember that anticipation is the “mother of preparation,” and defense.

Q: So, anticipate or expect to be out of communication for some time …

A: No, it is for Arkady to be prepared!

Q: Are there any good guys who can come in and help? I mean, good grief! A flood no less! How come we haven’t been afflicted with that sort of thing here?

A: No need as we have told you, it is Ark who is the vulnerable link, therefore, the attack goeth there.

Q: Is there anything we can do to help?

A: Get the message through to expect the unexpected; feel vulnerable, and do not ever assume invincibility. Knowledge protects, and ignorance endangers … does it ever!!!

Q: Well, anything else?

A: Must beware of agents near.

Q: Can you give any clues about these agents near?

A: Have “look,” if one is looking.

Q: What kind of look?

A: Consult fiction for the truth.

Q: You mean like spy stories? If they look like a spy, they are one?

A: Close.

Q: Anything else? This is going to be a rough period!

A: Not if aware and prepared, and not caught up in fantasies.

Q: What kind of fantasies?

A: Energy wasted upon unnecessary communiques.

Q: So, he should not exert himself to be in contact with me if it might put him in danger? Is that it?

A: No, for the time being, suggest you cancel the “mushiness.”

Q: All right. Anything further?

A: No.

Q: I will be in a bad way through this ordeal until he gets here, so …

A: Better to be in “a bad way,” than a pedestrian on the widows walk.

Q: Is there anything that we can do for protection?

A: We have told you! Be forearmed by being forewarned! Be careful that he does not believe the message.

Q: In other words, he needs to really believe what you are saying?

A: More important: what is a false sense of security?

Q: So, if he receives a message that he is secure and that all is okay, then is when he must be most aware?

A: One must not ever feel “secure,” but think of it. When is one ever secure?

Q: Well, we notice that things are really heating up. Weather, government exposure and confessions of this and that …

A: Massive alien/UFO coverage, some fictionalized, some not.

Q: OK, I just thought of this: getting back to our earlier questions, would you suggest that Ark avoid going back to Poland altogether?

A: Avoidance may avoid objective also.

Q: OK. That is understood. I want to ask about what, precisely, this soporific/phosphorous screen of the magnetic belt overlay is.

A: And have you communicate it thus? No.

Q: When you said “collinear wave reading consciousness units,” and “look in the mirror,” was that a clue that Ark and I are mirror image consciousness units?

A: Not exactly.

Q: Well, in a previous session, you said something about being a “half soul,” and my assumption was that he was a half-soul and I was a half-soul, and together we made a whole soul. But, since that time, I have wondered about this …

A: No one is unto themselves a half soul.

Q: OK, what would give me a more clear understanding about “half soul balancing?”

A: The soul as read as a unit of completion. It is the communication which completes the whole in each.

Q: What are the potentials of collinear wave reading consciousness units?

A: Specifics.

Q: Well, if an overseer in fourth density wishes to prevent unification of same, there must be some reason; that there is something that the fourth-density STS would not like to see happen. What is it?

A: Is that not self-evident?

Q: So, does that mean that it is important for us to be physically together to do whatever this is?

A: Tis preferable.

The strange series of remarks about Ark’s safety, once again, until the events played out, did not make any sense. And, of course, it is difficult to know in retrospect whether our interpretation was correct.

Ark made the decision to return to Poland in the middle of the disaster, and it was quite a journey since what few trains were running were crowded with people trying to get back to take care of their families. It was practically standing room only. All trains to Poland were canceled and he managed to get a train to Wien. From Wien, he had to pay an exorbitant sum to a driver to get him to Poland, and he spent some time sleeping on his luggage before he finally made it. By this time, the waters were receding, and the mud and mess was everywhere. There was no safe drinking water and it had to be brought in by truck, and there were long lines to get water from the trucks. During the period of time right after he returned to Poland in the midst of the flood, there are no emails. We communicated by phone, for the most part – only after the phone lines were back in service.

One of the results of the flood was that Ark’s ex-wife began to call repeatedly to ask that he come and help her with taking care of things she had stored in the basement of the apartment building where she lived. It was full of water, and she declared that she simply was not able to manage things.

After our experience with the fact that this woman was perfectly capable of finding a way to remove and then replace a customs seal so that it looked like it had not been disturbed – an item we were never able to figure out unless she had been assisted by someone in the government – in order to steal things from his luggage, neither of us trusted her. We discussed it on the phone and I was concerned that if he went over there and was standing knee deep in water, she could very easily just toss a plugged-in electrical appliance in the water and that would be the end of everything. Whether or not she had a gun, we don’t know. But when we considered the warning, “Energy wasted upon unnecessary communiques,” and “Be careful that he does not believe the message,” this was the only thing that it could apply to – at least up to that point.

She had told Ark when he announced his intention to divorce, “I will destroy you!” and she was spending every waking hour trying to do it. Her violent and vicious acts against him seemed to be her sole reason for existence. At one point while she was claiming psychic stress, she visited the university psychiatrist and told him a complex story about how Ark had become brainwashed by “an alien cult” and was using their brainwashing techniques on her to destroy her mind. In Europe, the Church that teaches such things, but which will remain unnamed, is looked upon with a very dim eye, and this was a serious charge against a department head of a large university. In any event, the story traveled up the chain of command to the Rector of the University who confided to Ark the kinds of lies his ex-wife was spreading about him. It was easily refuted, but the fact that she had embarked upon such a path of lies and defamation gave us a good idea of what other things she might be capable of doing.

The end result was that we decided that it was dangerous for Ark to respond to her repeated requests to come and take care of the water-filled basement. Putting that together with the hint about walking on or near live electrical current conduits, and guns being obtainable in Poland, we finally decided that being “caught up in fantasies” would be to continue to think that this woman was not a direct instrument of fourth-density STS, if not an actual agent who had long ago been given the assignment of preventing Ark from ever leaving Poland to come back to the States.

Of course the divorce hearing was canceled and rescheduled to October 21, which was the date that the ex had asked for previously, knowing that Ark was scheduled to leave Poland on October 12th. What is more, the “friendly” judge who had sat through the previous hearings where the ex was a repeated no-show, was suddenly replaced! We were debating whether or not we ought to rearrange our schedule in order to accommodate this new date, postponing Ark’s departure until after the hearing, so I decided to ask the Cs:

August 22, 1997

Q: (L) OK, now, I have been thinking that since the last series of obstructions are in the process of stabilizing, maybe there are other surprises and unexpected events around the corner …

A: Maybe for Arkadiusz.

Q: What kind of surprise might this be?

A: Mount “Anna” may erupt. [Anna being the name of Ark’s ex-wife, as well as the nickname of my number-two daughter.]

Q: Very cute! And, if so, what kind of eruption?

A: Cataclysmic.

Q: Well, swell! How about another clue!

A: Just be vigilant!

Q: Is that it?

A: To be forewarned is to be forearmed.

As it turned out, we discovered via the grapevine strong indications that the ex-wife had something to do with the selection of the date as well as the replacing of the judge. After all, she had all Ark’s money and a person gets exactly as much justice as they can pay for. Ark was keeping his ear to the ground and the grapevine produced another interesting item, namely, that the judge might ask for a competency evaluation based on the ex-wife’s claims about cults and brainwashing and her claims that she was merely acting as she was to protect Ark from a mind-control cult.

With this bit of intel, we realized exactly what kind of danger he was in. Knowing that, in the past, his ex-wife had hired a private detective to get the goods on the former husband of their daughter, in order to blackmail the young man into divorcing her, Ark had no illusions that she would not also find a doctor who would write any report he was paid to write.

I once knew a woman who was married to a doctor who wanted to divorce her and marry someone else without having to split their property. She had been standing on a chair one night putting ornaments on her Christmas tree when a couple of guys in white coats, accompanied by two policemen, broke in the door and put a straitjacket on her and took her to a psychiatric hospital where she was kept drugged for weeks until she managed to get a message out to her family and friends about what was being done to her. I knew that these kinds of things happened in real life, and Ark knew it too.

After discussing it, we decided that the best course of action would be to just let everyone think that he planned to change his schedule to accommodate the new hearing date, while quietly making his preparations to get out of Poland as we had already scheduled it. We had a very sympathetic firm of international attorneys here who were ready to go into action if necessary, and we were watching for any sign of new developments on the part of whoever it was that was so determined that Ark would never make it back to the States. It seems that somebody wanted him to stay in Poland – dead or alive.

All through August and September Ark worked to get things back to normal after the flood. In addition to all of his regular duties at the University, he had to walk many miles to get to the water trucks, to the market to get food, and to manage all the necessary care for his mother, with whom he lived. He was also assisting in the cleanup effort since the basements of the University had been flooded and many documents and books had to be salvaged, dried and arrangements made for future storage. The entire Max Born Symposium had to be reorganized since the place where it had originally been scheduled to take place was a ruin from the flood. Ark went looking for a new conference center that would meet the needs of twenty or thirty physicists as well as the crowd of attendees. He finally found a resort in the mountains that seemed to suit, and most definitely was not subject to being flooded!

Finally, after two months of backbreaking labor it was all done and the speakers were arriving from around the world. Ark and his fellow organizers had to be there to monitor every detail, to meet every need, and make sure that all proceeded according to schedule. We communicated by phone every day since there simply was no time for email. He would call me just before I went to sleep which was about midnight here and 6 a.m. there. Everything was proceeding just fine – until the unthinkable happened on the last day of the Symposium. I wasn’t at home when Ark called. The email exchanges between us will explain why.

To: Ark

Date sent: Sat, 27 Sep 97 09:00:34

Honey, I am back at the house for a few minutes to change my clothes and grab some coffee and go back to the hospital. Anna is stable, but still on life support. It was VERY close for about 7 hours and truly about the most horrifying experience of my life until this point.

She was with her friends, and an older guy gave them some Vodka. Anna drank some and went into insulin shock and then a coma. She stopped breathing right when we got her to the hospital.

I am okay, but I am VERY tired mostly from terror and grief. I will tell you when I am back. She hit her face when she fell and they are doing a CT scan to make sure there is no serious damage and then she will be taken to Intensive care unit where they probably will not allow me to stay with her very long. If she seems better and sleeping okay, I will come home, but I would like to wait until she is no longer on the respirator …

So, don’t worry, Honey … the worst of it is over. It was terrible, but we just DO the things we have to do.

Take care of YOU for me, please. I told Anna you were worried and she seemed to understand what I was saying.


To: Ark

Date sent: Sat, 27 Sep 97 12:46:58

Okay, Honey, I am home now … it is about 6:20 in the morning and I left her sleeping … The nurses think she will sleep for about half a day.

I didn’t want the baby to wake up and find me not here.

So, the terrible crisis has passed … Anna has learned something about Lizzies … and so have I.

The police were there. The man who bought the liquor for the kids has been arrested and charged with aggravated child abuse, which is a serious offense. All the policemen involved came by to see her before I left to check on her and make sure that she was alright. That was very sweet.

And I survived. It was terrible – horrible – but it is over.

So, now, I think I will try to get some rest.

Good Night, Honey … I hope that all has gone well and everyone is satisfied with the conference, and that you can get some rest too, soon.


To: Laura

Date sent: Sat, 27 Sep 97 17:49:45

Honey, we knew there will be furious attacks. We could have predicted it. But there will be future and it will be good because we are not alone we do have helpers. We have had car accident one kid was involved with. It should teach us a lesson. We have another accident now; it should teach us a lesson.

The conference is over the last round table discussion was long, much longer than it was planned. It was a smashing success. I gave an overview of EEQT and all these people were happy so EEQT exists and everybody is satisfied and calling this meeting exceptional.

I am VERY tired almost unconscious but all is fine and well and okay we will make it and now REALLY SOON.

IT WAS HARD today because of what has happened to ANNA but it gave me, in fact, even more determination to find the force and energy that was necessary.


To: Ark

Date sent: Sun, 28 Sep 97 05:28:20

Oh, Honey, I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. I spent most of the day at the hospital. V** came with me and we gave Anna Reiki for hours.

Finally, in the late afternoon, she talked a little bit and seemed more like herself. So, I came home and tried to rest. But, I couldn’t. So, I went back to the hospital and sat with her while she slept. Then I cam home again. I am almost to the point that I think I can sleep.

You know, I wonder about what the Cs said about “Mt. Anna may erupt … cataclysmically … ” and, indeed this was a cataclysmic “eruption,” though more physical than anything, though I would have to say that it must represent something spiritual or psychological.

Well, I am too tired to think about it or analyze it. There are just some images that get frozen in the mind and take forever to go away, and seeing my baby like she was last night is one of them.

I have little red spots all over my legs that look like measles … they are ruptured capillaries from the hours standing with my legs and back braced, holding that child while she convulsed over and over again – trying to keep her from hurting herself, and fighting to keep her in the body. When I wasn’t trying to calm her down and keep her still, I was pleading with her not to leave me.

So, I wish I could cry just now because I think I would feel better faster if I could, but it seems to be stuck in my throat.

I won’t feel comfortable until she is home and fine.

Oh, Honey! It is absolutely incredible just now how much I need you … And so do these poor babies of ours … Thank God it won’t be long.

And, it is still raining, there are flood warnings and it is just very strange right now.

So, Honey, I am going to lie down.


To Ark:

Date sent: Sat, 27 Sep 97 19:17:17

I slept about 5 hours. The lung specialist called and said that he had been called in because Anna had inhaled vomit into her lungs and they are watching for pneumonia.

Then I went back to the hospital for awhile, and now I am back again.

She is sleeping from the medicine that keeps her from vomiting more, the oxygen is still connected, but they felt that they could remove the respirator. She has a tube that empties her stomach constantly, and a bladder catheter. Everybody at the hospital is in love with her because she is so sweet and grateful when she IS conscious. She has certainly had a serious shock, and lesson, as have we all.

You know, it is funny – they put her in the same room Sandra died in.

Well, I expect Sandra is watching out for her a little, if that is possible.

Anyway, I KNEW the conference would be such a success!

So, you sleep as much as you can. I am taking all care. We will survive this as we have all.

And, I DO believe that she lived because I was there giving her Reiki from the very beginning. It was so close. My arms and legs are very sore from bending over the bed and holding her still during the hours of convulsions. It was utterly terrifying. I just want to hold her in my arms and make it all go away.

And, funny – it is the end of September again. And the end of September always seems to be such a rough time.

I will send news when I am here. I will be in and out for the next few days. They say they want to keep her in ICU for another couple of days.


To: Laura

Date sent: Sun, 28 Sep 97 06:24:12

Honey, I was writing a long letter to you and then, at the end, it was all lost … the connection was lost. So I make it short: I love you I send kisses and you are in my arms.

I am packing now and in the evening I will be sending you kisses from Wroclaw.

Take strength from my love.


To: Laura

Date sent: Tue, 30 Sep 1997 07:37:49

Mother was very much moved by what has happened to Anna. She was praying in the night for Anna to get better. Funny is this mother of mine. Otherwise all is okay and alright.

These Lizzies must have been using the fact that I was so much busy and involved with the conference … and they have chosen to attack just then! But we must make this event to act against them. I can’t help thinking that Anna was supposed to go to school …

Well, now the most important thing is that soon we will be together and we will be doing all those things that need us being together. And then all will be different. And it’s gonna be rather soon. I am watching. You too.

I still haven’t fully recovered from the trauma of the near death of my daughter. I knew, at that point, just how down and dirty the attacks could get. The realization that an agent could appear anywhere, at any time, under any guise, had been, up to this point, something of an abstract idea. I now understood what the Cs had meant when they said:

A: Or maybe programmed decoy, due to FRV?

Q: What is FRV?

A: Frequency Resonance Vibration.

Q: Is there any danger to [the children] with these kids and church people they have been around the past few weeks?

A: What do you think?!? It is a vulnerable age for anyone, much more so for the children of one on path to super consciousness, and in contact with those who provide advice and data …

And the last remark about being “in contact with those who provide advice and data” is clearly meant to refer to Ark as much as the Cs themselves. Indeed, we had suffered attacks before Ark entered the picture, but the forces of the Matrix went into overdrive afterward – mainly to prevent us from being together. And here, an explanation for how this worked was being proposed: that certain individuals with a certain FRV, were susceptible to being programmed and utilized as decoys or Agents of the Matrix.

Over and over again we had told the children that there were forces out there that were going to be targeting them, that they needed to operate at the highest awareness level possible. We told them that they needed to examine their friends and relationships and keep always in mind that people would be brought into their lives whose intent was to do them harm. They revolted against this idea. It was unthinkable for them to hold suspicions about their “friends.” They were sure that we had just simply gone over the edge.

Within the next three months, despite my pleas for her to be more careful, my eldest daughter had two more accidents, making a total of three in an 11-month period. The third one totaled her car, and if it had not been a Volvo, she would not have survived. She was hit broadside, on the driver’s side, by a man who ran a red light. He claimed that he fell asleep at the wheel. I had been hit by so many shocks in so short a period of time that I was simply not able to assimilate and deal with all of it.

Both girls came to a hard realization that it wasn’t a joke, and they struggled with cognitive dissonance. Naturally, they wanted us to give up what we were doing so they could have a normal life like all their friends. We tried to explain to them that we loved them, and because we loved them, because we were concerned about not only their future, but the future of everyone else’s children, we could not give up our work. We told them that one day they would understand, even if they didn’t now. The real solution was for them to understand the level of vigilance that was necessary and to undertake to employ it. They resented that. They wanted to have a normal life, to have fun, to not have to worry about agents of the Matrix around every corner. And that was perfectly understandable. They were both upset with us, and later they both decided that safety lay in distance and they moved out on their own.

I made an appointment with an insurance agent and purchased large insurance policies on each of my children and announced out loud as I put them in the safe: “OK, you sons of bitches! Touch another one of my kids and every damn dime will go to expose you for what you are.” And I meant it.

Hell and High Water had come, and we had survived.