The Matrix comparison is not only useful in describing our global reality; the story of the group who are working to circumvent the Matrix, to wake people up, is entirely synchronous with our own experiences, right down to each and every character! In the case of Frank, we find the classic role of Cypher in action. In his repeated claims that his very birth was a mistake, we hear Cypher saying: “You know, I know what you’re thinking ’cause right now I’m thinking the same thing. Actually, to tell you the truth, I’ve been thinking the same thing ever since I got here. Why, oh why, didn’t I take that blue pill!?”
We next see Cypher in a fancy restaurant sawing a steak while the voice of Agent Smith asks: “Do we have a deal, Mr. Reagan?” And Cypher tells us even more:
You know, I know that this steak doesn’t exist. I know that when I put it in my mouth, the Matrix is telling my brain that it is juicy and delicious. After nine years, do you know what I’ve realized? Ignorance is bliss. … I don’t want to remember nothing. Nothing! You understand? And I want to be rich. Someone important. Like an actor. You can do that, right?
And Agent Smith tells him: “Whatever you want, Mr. Reagan.”
From my own perspective, I understood Frank’s desperate need to be all-powerful and in control of something – anything. Throughout all of the past nine years, I hoped that if we persevered in our acceptance of him and his many quirks, that he would eventually learn by osmosis to just be himself as a part of a group of friendly souls who neither wanted to control, nor be controlled. I also thought that he wanted to know the truth more than he wanted to live in illusion. I believed that this love of truth, whatever it turned out to be, and however painful it might be to face it, even if it meant completely eliminating our own personal wants and desires, would win in the end; that Frank was as motivated as I was to discover it.
Because of the fact that I knew Frank was under almost constant internal attack, I became very protective of him, constantly looking for ways and means to encourage him to branch out a little in the real world and try something new. I wanted to see him have positive experiences, to develop a new circuit where he could regard other human beings as equal seekers on their many paths; to stop having to feel so defensive. It was this defensiveness that led to the endless hours and hours of descriptions he would give of how horribly he had been treated by this person or that person. Most of these issues had to do with what can only be described as severe homophobia. Frank was utterly convinced that people thought he was gay, and this enraged and horrified him.
While there was certainly some truth to this idea, as the reader of Amazing Grace will already know, I decided that if Frank was afraid of it, if it was a problem in his own mind, then certainly we could find a way to deal with it effectively. We had many discussions about it, all of which centered on the fact that Frank had seen himself in a video, and it had been a shock for him to realize that many of his gestures and movements were obviously feminine. Once he came to that decision, he became even more self-conscious and attempted to compensate for it, which only resulted in worsening the problem because then he became unnaturally stiff and jerky in his physical motions which was jarring to strangers. All of this contributed to his reclusive nature, the many, many hours spent alone, or watching football or videos, during which he brooded on the unfairness of his existence in the world.
I was worried. I wanted to help.
Over and over again I was being subjected to Frank’s lengthy diatribes about how cruel his life was and how abominably he was treated. The thing was, there really wasn’t much in the way of real evidence that this was so. He had all the advantages of an upper middle class family, he had been given opportunities I never had; he had most certainly never been hungry, cold, or without a home; he had never suffered the helplessness of watching someone he loved in pain or sitting up all night with a sick child, or rocking a loved one who was dying of cancer. But I pushed such thoughts away, and took his word for it that he was suffering, and gave endless support, sympathy, and suggestions.
After one particularly grueling session of complaints from Frank about how the world simply was not ready for his presence, his high spiritual nature, and how awful it was to be so spiritual in such a revolting world, I decided to ask the Cassiopaeans about it:
November 2, 1994 – Frank, Laura and V**
Q: (L) Why was Frank in such a state last night?
A: Because his life is difficult.
Q: (L) What is making his life difficult?
Q: (L) Is it his destiny for his entire life to be difficult?
Q: (L) Is that choice up to him?
Q: (L) Well then, why is it open?
A: Will dark or light forces win?
Q: (L) Win what?
Q: (L) Battle where?
Q: (L) Well, I thought you said that the forces of light were definitely going to win? Is that not correct?
A: Too simplified.
Q: (L) Is there anything Frank can do in this battle to assist getting over this problem?
But, as we already know, Frank was not fighting.
Nevertheless, in a sort of desperation, I gave him more and more time and support in an effort to help him fight, or to develop the will to fight. It was not lost on me that the Cassiopaeans were clearly saying that there was a very good possibility that the dark forces would triumph in Frank’s case, and I most certainly did not want that to happen.
I started reading book after book about different kinds of therapies that might be helpful for him to try. I came to the idea that all of the torment he had described as having been inflicted on him as an infant had locked up the natural flow of energies in his body, and if he could do some body work, it would free up this energy, and he would be more at ease with himself, and therefore, better equipped to interact with the real world, and be as successful as he most evidently deserved to be. He had so many gifts, it seemed quite unfair to me that he was not in a position to develop them, and have others appreciate them or benefit from them. As a result of this course of reading, I explained to Frank one night the different theories that I had encountered, and how evident it was that he most certainly could deal with this problem effectively. I didn’t realize that Frank didn’t want a solution; that the act of complaining and ranting about the unfairness of the world was what he wanted to do because it was a means of holding me captive as audience and sympathizer, and sympathy was what he wanted, because it was energy.
The end result of all of it was that since I had proposed a solution to his problem, Frank announced that his problem was not his problem. The problem was with the rest of the world, none (or few) of whom were spiritually advanced enough to understand that he was an advanced spiritual being, and that his was the body mode of the future.
Following this discussion, in which every proposal I made was countered by a reason that it would not work for him, I insisted that we ask the Cs about it. And it is a certainty that this exchange was somewhat corrupted by the working of Frank’s own prejudices:
November 6, 1994
Q: (L) Have you been listening in on our discussion?
A: As always.
Q: (L) In this particular discussion we have been talking about freeing up life energy which can be blocked by emotional traumas and so forth, and that, according to this book I read, you can tell the life energy is blocked by the way a person holds or moves their body. From this information I think that Frank’s life energy is blocked. Am I correct?
Q: (L) Then why is Frank so ill at ease in his body?
A: Book not entirely incorrect but remember not to take anything entirely on face value.
Q: (L) Is there some part of that idea that would benefit Frank and help him to feel more at ease?
A: Frank is ill at ease because most others are ill at ease with him.
Q: (L) Well, who started out being ill at ease, him or others?
Q: (L) And why were they ill at ease with him?
A: Sensed differences.
Q: (L) If Frank were to do some bodywork and bring his energies into focus where his physical sensations are concerned, would this, in some way, help to overcome this particular difficulty or situation?
A: Won’t work.
Q: (L) Is there anything Frank can do to free up his energies and to become more at ease with himself?
A: He is more at ease now than before because he no longer listens to others’ criticisms.
Q: (L) Is Frank correct in saying that his body and mode is that of the future?
A: Closer. But not there yet.
I wasn’t entirely comfortable with this answer. But, since the Cs were saying so many other things that were not part of our general understanding that did prove to be accurate upon deeper inspection, perhaps this was another unknown factor that I would have to deal with? Perhaps Frank was right? Perhaps Androgyny was the mode of the future? It had certainly been hinted at by other sources from time to time. Nevertheless, we can revisit these remarks with better perspective here and see quite clearly that, even though there was an intent to corrupt and slant the meaning, the Cs still managed to get across a message for those with eyes to see and ears to hear.
At this point, I shifted gears and referred back to a comment made on October 19, 1994, where we had been encouraged to persevere through a series of financial setbacks that were creating severe stress in our lives. The Cs had said that all would be well if we kept pushing forth and if we would “coordinate each other’s input equally.”
The reason I wanted to ask about this question was quite simple: at this point, I was doing all the work and Frank was claiming all the credit. I wanted to know if this was “equal input?” Was it possible that his claim to be the channel was true, and that this meant that all other work that fell to me was “equal input.” In a sense, it was sort of a trick question that was asked suddenly and out of the blue.
Q: (L) There was a comment made in an earlier reading when we were told we needed to coordinate our input in this project. I am curious as to the exact meaning of equalize the input? Does that refer to use of the board or what?
A: Many meanings. One must not dominate decision-making. Be open all ideas and input. Once we have made financial arrangements that will be your cue to dedicate full time efforts to this endeavor.
It was comforting to think that some of the financial pressures on my life might be relieved, but I wasn’t putting anything in the bank on it!
As we continued to chat with the Cs, I was paying acute attention to every movement and sensation. I noticed that Frank often seemed to sink into a bored, half-sleeping state while the planchette moved, and that it was during those periods when the energy of the information was most comfortable. This was an awareness that only grew gradually, but I was very soon employing this knowledge in a protective way. I would begin a series of questions, about which Frank had no emotional prejudices, and once he had become completely bored with my questions (most of the time), I would ask the question that concerned me most.
November 9, 1994
Q: (L) Having you as communicants, does this protect us from the intrusion of earthbound spirits?
A: Earthbound spirits yes but others no.
Q: (L) What others do you mean?
Q: (L) So your presence protects us from earthbound spirits but other aliens can come through if they choose?
A: Not through while with this connection but around.
Q: (L) They are around?
A: Not now.
Q: (L) Have they been around on other occasions when we were communicating?
Q: (L) Have they ever, on any occasion, contaminated or corrupted our channel?
A: Tried but failed because you recognized it the one time.
Q: (L) When was the one time?
A: Several sessions ago.
Q: (L) Is that one of the sessions on tape? What was the name of the individual that came through that time?
A: Not named.
My intent with the question about “other occasions” was directly concerned with the issue of trance channeling as opposed to working with the board. I wanted to get a definite identification, but failed. But I did manage to get confirmation that my questioning and awareness during the trance session had gone a long way toward preventing major corruption. The important point was that others could not come “through” when working at the board, but that they were definitely around and could skew the information. And the reference to “this connection,” in the above context, was clear: as long as Frank was “connected” to me, to my intent to receive truth, the worst that could happen was skewing. On his own, he was subject to directly channeling STS. It was obvious that as I got close to the issue of the trance channeling, Frank woke up and “blocked.” I shifted gears again.
Q: (L) In this book I am reading it talks about knowledge that is only given to the elect and that certain things are passed down through secret organizations. Most people think this organization is the Illuminati and that they hold many deep, dark secrets. Is that true?
A: Close. But now there is a knowledge explosion. The Illuminati is no longer exclusive; but they still think they are.
Q: (L) Compared to the big high mucky mucks in the Illuminati, what percentage of their knowledge do Frank and I possess?
A: 2 per cent.
Q: (L) You mean they know 98 per cent more than we do? That’s depressing! How much knowledge, relative to the Illuminati, does the average college graduate have?
A: 0.02 per cent.
Q: (L) Is there any one person who holds a major chunk of knowledge on this planet?
A: By this time next year you will have 35 per cent as much.
Q: (L) That means I have to work hard!
A: No. It will flow into you. Stop listening to those that block.
Q: (L) Who in my life is blocking me now?
A: Can’t say. You must find this out.
Q: (L) Is it myself?
A: Only through others.
In response to my question about any one person holding a big block of knowledge, it was odd that their response did not designate both of us, but was predicated on the platform of one person, and that this knowledge would flow into me if I would stop listening to those that block. The only problem was: at this point in my life, the only person I was really listening to was Frank! Of course, at that point in time, I never would have believed that Frank was the block in that sense. In my mind, he was a good soul that was struggling to overcome terrible programming, terrible suffering, and even though I knew I had to work with his psychological issues and strong emotional prejudices, that he might be blocking the inflow of knowledge was a preposterous idea. And when I asked “who?” their non-violation of free will response was classic: “You must find this out.” What is funny is that I naturally took the onus upon myself, blamed myself for any shortcomings of the material, and the Cs made it clear that if I was blocking myself, it was only “through others.” And again, the only possible “other” at this point in time was: Frank.
Not too long after, an extremely curious event occurred which demonstrated this blocking. I had been reading abduction cases, trying to sort it all out and come to some idea about the nature of the interaction, how controls of abductees might be put in place and utilized, and how the emotional feeding or “uploading or downloading” of information to or from the abductee took place. I had the idea that it was partly technological through implants, but I also realized from some of the descriptions of abductees that there was something much deeper to this issue than met the eye. It was in asking this little series of questions that a very strange thing occurred.
December 3, 1994
Q: (L) In the establishing of an ongoing connection between an abductee and the abductor, what methods or techniques are used? Is it a psychic bond?
Q: (L) Is it formed technologically?
Q: (L) There are so many stories of the gazing process where the alien controls that abductee by staring into their eyes and the abductee feels full of love and harmony and thereby thinks that the experience is beneficial. This makes me wonder just exactly what is the purpose of this gazing?
Q: (L) Does it also form a bond?
Q: (L) What is the substance of this bond? Is there a psychic cord or connection and is it true that the same …
A: Channel wavering …. [planchette spinning around board]
Q: (L) Is that all you are going to say on that?
A: Please say good night.
It seems that I was moving into areas that the STS controllers did not want to discuss, and they exerted extra blocking energy to halt the receiving of answers. The Cs said “Channel wavering … ” Similar events occurred later on, when Ark pressed for certain information that could not possibly be construed to violate free will, but which obviously approached subject matter that was directly concerned with the control system and how it operated directly on human beings. They couldn’t send a lie through, but they could block transmission by static discharge through Frank. The “Powers That Be” clearly did not want us to learn how this process worked, and I have thought since then that if we had learned this at that point in time, it would have been indicative of how Frank himself operated in vectoring our thoughts, as well as blocking the transmissions from the Cs on occasion.
A couple of days later, a friend of mine was present for the session. There is a long story about her that goes in a direction that is not pertinent to the current issue except to say that Frank rapidly developed an extreme distaste for her presence and spent many, many hours ridiculing her simple approach to life, which included a naturally giving nature. (And here I want to note that “simple” does not relate to intellect in the case of V**, but rather the fact that she was a person who was emotionally reactive and wore her heart on her sleeve.) On this particular evening, she and I had been playing around with the board for a few minutes to see if the Cs would say anything before Frank arrived. He came in the house without knocking (as was usual), almost out of breath as if he had been in a big hurry, and he walked in on us doing this. It was evident from the look on his face that he was angry. He rapidly regained his composure and sat down at the board and the following message came out:
December 5, 1994 – Frank, Laura, V**
Q: (L) Hello.
Q: (L) Celestial dudes! [Laura and V** had been trying to make contact prior to arrival of Frank and were commenting on the fact that not so much as a nudge came from the planchette.]
A: Look upon that as a sign.
Q: (L) A sign of what?
A: Kindly remove ridge from board. [adjustments made] Move board away from center of table. [further adjustments made]
Q: (L) Is that better?
Q: (L) Now, look upon what as a sign?
Q: (L) Channel? How is that a sign channel? I don’t get it?
A: Who? [draws large question mark]
Q: (L) Who?
Q: (L) OK, you mean who is the channel?
Q: (L) They are trying to tell us Frank is the channel. Who do we have with us tonight?
I didn’t really think about the fact that Frank was in an emotional state that could easily skew the material, I just figured that since he said it so often and with such conviction, perhaps it was so and this was just a little confirmation? In any event, we went through some personal issues, the Cs came across as rather irritated which was not inspiring to say the least, but eventually the energy of Frank’s anger dissipated, and he finally settled into his bored half-sleep. And it was at this session that the remark about getting on the Internet was made. The curious thing about it was that, even though they had insisted repeatedly that they did not wish to discuss personal matters, my question about a dream I had was not considered to be “personal!” Whatever it was that was skewing the reception at that point, melted and talking about the dream was encouraged. In retrospect, it’s easy to see that the controllers wanted to see what I had dreamed, if it was of any significance, but the result was that by removing their blocking efforts, the Cs were able to tell me something of great significance: to get on the Internet, and that my life would change suddenly and dramatically!
Q: (L) What a relief! A concession! OK, I had a dream last night, I dreamed about large mechanical flying V’s that had flapping wings like metal bat boxes. They scared me. Then, I was with my family and we were going to see my cousin who is deceased and she had just had a baby. The baby was walking and talking and quoting Shakespeare. My Aunt got very upset and said it was unseemly because the baby was illegitimate and she walked out. The baby was only 10 days old. My aunt ran out the door and said it was evil.
A: Suggestion, get on computer net ASAP.
Q: (L) In other words, I really need to take my computer down and get the A drive fixed etc. and log onto the network?
Q: (V) What does that have to do with the dream? (L) I think it relates back to when Terry and Jan were here and we were talking about dreams and the suggestion was given to hook up to the network and discuss and share dreams. Like a dream forum kind of thing. Is there any significance to the ten days in this dream?
A: When you network, your entire life will dramatically improve immediately! See, sometimes we do advise when appropriate.
As the reader may have guessed, my computer really wasn’t up to doing the Internet in any big way. It was already several years old, and this was 1994, remember? It was a Packard Bell 386 with two 40 megabyte hard drives. I couldn’t install any software because the floppy drive wasn’t working.
Based on this advice, I broke down and called the repair guy who worked out of his home. He came by a day or so later, and discovered that our youngest child had inserted a business card into the floppy drive. After all, it was a nice slot just sitting there, and she knew I was always inserting things in it, so why couldn’t she? I laughed with relief that it wasn’t serious, and told him that she had also recently inserted a peanut butter sandwich in the VCR. Thankfully, there was no peanut butter on the business card!
So, there I was finally, two days before Christmas: Have computer, will travel! With an AOL free trial diskette in my hand, I was ready to rock and roll! I was going to change my life suddenly and dramatically! I was ready! Enough of this nonsense! Let’s find out what’s going on out there in cyber land!
I followed the directions (keeping in mind that my computer was, at this point, merely a glorified word-processor) and soon found myself in the world of America Online. The only thing I could figure out how to do was check out some chat room where they were discussing channeling and the paranormal. It didn’t look too promising, and I didn’t have time to do more than introduce myself and sign off. I had Christmas preparations to take care of. What was more, my best friend was in the hospital, and I wanted to spend some time with her as soon as I had the holiday matters under control.
The following day, Christmas Eve, after rushing around all day, baking and cleaning, I borrowed my ex’s truck to drive to the toy store to pick up the bicycles that they were holding for me until Christmas Eve. I was going to fetch them home and conceal them under a cover in the back yard, and then drive to the hospital to visit Sandra and take her some things to cheer her up.
While waiting at the intersection to make a left turn onto my street, I was struck from the rear at speed by a guy who said in his statement to the police that I was not there. And frankly, even though my eyes were on the big side view truck mirrors that show everything in the rear, I didn’t see him either. Since he never “saw” me, he never slowed down. The impact was serious enough that his entire car was destroyed.
It would be three years before I recovered from the injuries received in the accident. But in a way, it was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Indeed, my life changed suddenly and dramatically.